{"id":9931,"date":"2024-01-25T22:12:26","date_gmt":"2024-01-25T15:12:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9931"},"modified":"2024-01-25T22:12:26","modified_gmt":"2024-01-25T15:12:26","slug":"the-3-month-rule-for-dating-is-kind-of-flawed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9931","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Month Rule for Dating Is Kind of Flawed"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">A<\/span> lot can happen in three months. It\u2019s enough time to get settled at a new job, train for a marathon (as an experienced runner, at least), or watch <em>The Sopranos<\/em> in its entirety. And according to the \u201cthree-month rule\u201d of dating, it\u2019s also enough time to get a true sense of a person you\u2019re dating.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnyone can say they like you, that they wanna be with you,\u201d says user @annnexmp in one of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@annnexmp\/video\/7162592090893978922?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@annnexmp\/video\/7162592090893978922?lang=en\">most popular TikTok posts<\/a> on the topic. \u201cBut\u2026if they are still saying this, if they\u2019re still feeling this, if they\u2019re still trying after three months, that\u2019s a really good sign.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But can three months really be enough time to tell you what you need to know about a person? Or conversely, is it worth sticking out a lackluster relationship for three months for the sake of getting a fuller picture? We asked experts to explain their take on the three-month rule.<\/p>\n<h2>What is the 3-month rule of dating?<\/h2>\n<p>The three-month rule argues that within three months of dating someone, that person\u2019s true personality and intentions come to light. As one sage wrote on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.urbandictionary.com\/define.php?term=3%20month%20rule\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.urbandictionary.com\/define.php?term=3%20month%20rule\">Urban Dictionary<\/a>, the three-month mark represents a potential turning point in relationships: \u201cYou have three months to figure out whether or not you see it going somewhere and if you fully want to be with her.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline text-h5 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/3-month-rule-dating\/\" current-title=\"Why Relationship Experts Say the \u20183 Month Rule\u2019 for Dating Is\u2026 Mostly Trash\" current-image=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Stocksy_3-month-rule-ElenaKharichkina_418x278_true_70.webp\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-07-25\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/3-month-rule-dating\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/3-month-rule-dating\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/3-month-rule-dating\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Experts aren\u2019t sure exactly <em>where<\/em> this idea came from. but it\u2019s at least as old as a <em>Frisky<\/em> opinion piece that was republished <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnn.com\/2010\/LIVING\/11\/03\/tf.three.month.dating.rule\/index.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.cnn.com\/2010\/LIVING\/11\/03\/tf.three.month.dating.rule\/index.html\">by <em>CNN<\/em><\/a> in 2010. In her essay, author Ami Angelowicz argued that it takes \u201cat least three months\u201d before you can get excited or invested in the long-term potential of a relationship.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;Regardless of the amount of time [you&#8217;ve been dating], it is important to listen to your gut and make the decision that is best for you.\u201d \u2014Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cThe first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be,\u201d Angelowicz wrote at the time. \u201cI think it takes about three months to strip away the layers and start to see this person for who they really are.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen we meet someone initially, they\u2019re putting their best foot forward,\u201d agrees <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mindful.gee\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mindful.gee\">Gabriela Reyes, LMFT<\/a>, licensed marriage and family therapist and resident relationship expert for Match Group\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.chispa-app.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.chispa-app.com\/\">Chispa<\/a>. \u201cKeeping up with these pretenses, however, is very challenging and will eventually become unsustainable. As comfort settles into the relationship being built, the \u2018real you\u2019 comes to the surface, and that\u2019s when we have a better idea of whether this relationship could work.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The concept of the three-month rule has persisted since then; <a href=\"https:\/\/trends.google.com\/trends\/explore?date=2009-12-19%202024-01-19&amp;geo=US&amp;q=3%20month%20rule&amp;hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/trends.google.com\/trends\/explore?date=2009-12-19%202024-01-19&amp;geo=US&amp;q=3%20month%20rule&amp;hl=en\">Google Trends data<\/a> indicates that interest in the term has spiked in the past year and a half.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe history of the three-month rule is unfortunately not something I&#8217;m familiar with\u2014but it is not based in any clinical\/psychological rooting,\u201d says <a href=\"https:\/\/healthyrelationshipfoundation.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/healthyrelationshipfoundation.com\/about\/\">Krystal Mazzola Wood, LMFT<\/a>, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of <a href=\"https:\/\/confidentlyauthentic.com\/codependency-books-best\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/confidentlyauthentic.com\/codependency-books-best\/\"><em>Confidently Authentic<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>Is the 3-month rule accurate?<\/h2>\n<p>Experts are split as to how useful the three-month rule is. Reyes, for one, is a fan. \u201cI\u2019ve been encouraging my clients in the dating world to follow something very similar to the \u2018three month rule\u2019 for years,\u201d she says. She considers that span of time an appropriate \u201ctrial period\u201d that enables you to find out how much effort another person would put into a relationship moving forward, and what they\u2019re like when they\u2019re angry, stressed, etc.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, Mazzola Wood finds that the three month rule of dating is an oversimplification. There are cases where someone may hide their true behaviors or identity for a \u201cmuch longer\u201d period than three months, she says. \u201cWhat comes to mind is an abusive narcissist who is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/love-bomb\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/love-bomb\/\">love bombing<\/a>,\u201d she says. That person may still seem \u201cperfect\u201d three months in, when in fact they are just using manipulative tactics to hide their more harmful behavior.<\/p>\n<p>The best time to have the \u201cwhat are we\u201d talk depends on individual circumstances, and won\u2019t always occur right at the three-month mark, says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.drpatricelegoy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.drpatricelegoy.com\/\">Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT<\/a>. \u201cFor example, if you live near each other and see each other often, you may not need as much time for a \u2018DTR\u2019 discussion as you would if you are in a long distance relationship and do not spend as much time in person, going though your day-to-day lives together,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<h2>Is this a dating rule worth sticking to?<\/h2>\n<p>Whether or not three months is a valuable checkpoint is up for debate. Instead, the experts interviewed for this story agree that you should allow <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-are-deal-breakers-in-relationships\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-are-deal-breakers-in-relationships\/\">your non-negotiables<\/a> (aka your main values and priorities in a relationship) to guide how you decide to progress with someone you\u2019re dating, not an arbitrary marker of time.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFor example, let&#8217;s say a person wants to get married and this is a non-negotiable need,\u201d says Mazzola Wood. \u201cIf they&#8217;re dating someone who otherwise seems perfect but doesn&#8217;t want to get married, it&#8217;s mentally healthy to end the relationship now, not question your needs or hope that the other person changes their mind. [The latter] is inappropriate.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At the end of the day, your focus should be on whether the other person fits what you\u2019re looking for, not just how they feel about you, emphasizes Dr. Le Goy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI think sometimes we can get stuck on the idea that someone is \u2018good on paper\u2019 or that they \u2018check all the boxes,\u2019 but that is not necessarily a good enough reason to decide to be in a relationship, even if everything has been fine for three months,\u201d she says. \u201cRegardless of the amount of time, it is important to listen to your gut and make the decision that is best for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[0px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A lot can happen in three months. It\u2019s enough time to get settled at a new job, train for a marathon (as an experienced runner, at least), or watch The Sopranos in its entirety. And according to the \u201cthree-month rule\u201d of dating, it\u2019s also enough time to get a true sense of a person you\u2019re &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":9932,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9931","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9931"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9931\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9932"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}