{"id":9493,"date":"2023-12-17T00:13:16","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T17:13:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9493"},"modified":"2023-12-17T00:13:16","modified_gmt":"2023-12-16T17:13:16","slug":"fomo-vs-jomo-neither-offers-internal-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9493","title":{"rendered":"Fomo vs. Jomo: Neither Offers Internal Happiness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"drop-cap text-big text-gray\"> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">Y<\/span>ou know the drill: You get a holiday party invite with all of your friends, and excitedly RSVP yes. As the days creep closer, you\u2019re exhausted\u2014work is hectic, the house is a mess, and you\u2019ve overextended yourself in terms of obligations. You want to cancel, but whether you send the text bowing out likely depends on where you stand in the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/jomo-life-lessons\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/jomo-life-lessons\/\">JOMO<\/a> (joy of missing out) vs. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-mental-health-condition\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-mental-health-condition\">FOMO<\/a> (fear of missing out) debate. The problem with all of this, say experts, is that you\u2019re basing your happiness and contentment on others.<\/div>\n<p>\u201cPutting your own well-being and mental health first when you are planning for events is important,\u201d says educational psychologist and behavior analyst <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reenabpatel\/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reenabpatel\/?hl=en\">Reena B. Patel, LEP, BCBA<\/a>. Research has shown that across many cultures, <a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1111\/1529-1006.01431\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1111\/1529-1006.01431\">people who have higher self-esteem and self-worth tend to be more satisfied and happier<\/a>, and fall victim to fewer negative moods, indicating that when we find self-contentment, we\u2019re better able to steadily remain happy and go with the flow.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more, while studies <a href=\"https:\/\/ccare.stanford.edu\/press_posts\/good-social-relationships-are-the-most-consistent-predictor-of-a-happy-life\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/ccare.stanford.edu\/press_posts\/good-social-relationships-are-the-most-consistent-predictor-of-a-happy-life\/\">indicate that maintaining friendships<\/a> and relationships can result in happiness and a longer life, the quality of those relationships is clutch. Positive relationships are beneficial, but negative ones can bring on emotions like anxiety and stress. \u201cHumans are social beings and evolutionarily we relied upon our inclusion in social groups in order to survive,\u201d says clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.joliesilva.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.joliesilva.com\/\">Jolie Silva, PhD<\/a>, chief operating officer of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.newyorkbehavioralhealth.com\/\">New York Behavioral Health<\/a>, \u201cIt makes sense that we care about others&#8217; perceptions of us; however, it becomes dysfunctional and even detrimental when we over-rely on what others think about us and use this to make conclusions about who we are as a person and our worthiness.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-vs-jomo\/\" current-title=\"Actually, There\u2019s One Key Problem for Your Mental Well-Being and Happiness With Having Either FOMO *or* JOMO\" current-image=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/wellgood_placeholder_418x278_true_70.webp\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-06-16\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-vs-jomo\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-vs-jomo\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/fomo-vs-jomo\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Given that, let\u2019s take a look at how it can be healthier to find internal happiness and contentment, while also maintaining relationships that fill you up.<\/p>\n<h2>I\u2019ve felt both JOMO and FOMO\u2014what\u2019s wrong with that?<\/h2>\n<p>In short, nothing. Humans are complex and complicated and feel different emotions at different times. So, if <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-cancel-plans-last-minute\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-cancel-plans-last-minute\/\">you\u2019ve skipped an event <\/a>and wished you would\u2019ve been there because your friendship group started an inside joke that just won\u2019t quit, you\u2019re not alone. And on the flip side, if you\u2019re someone who\u2019s canceled plans and felt the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/is-gilmore-girls-mother-daughter-relationship-healthy\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/is-gilmore-girls-mother-daughter-relationship-healthy\/\">sweet relief of watching<em> Gilmore Girls<\/em><\/a> on the couch for the umpteenth time, know that you&#8217;re also in good company.<\/p>\n<p>But having these emotions can also be a slippery slope in ways that both Dr. Silva and Patel say are worth taking into account. \u201cBoth JOMO and FOMO rely on outside events and people to bring you happiness when oftentimes happiness lies within yourself,\u201d says Patel. \u201cSpecifically, if you have FOMO, you are more likely to try to attend everything, and you may overextend yourself. If you have JOMO, you may spend too much time alone and may tend to isolate yourself.\u201d Below is a look at what\u2019s at play with FOMO vs. JOMO.<\/p>\n<h3>FOMO<\/h3>\n<p>With FOMO, Dr. Silva explains that there is a nagging sense that, \u201cattendance is tied to their self-worth, so when a person isn\u2019t in attendance their social stature may be threatened and anxiety results,\u201d she says. Research indicates that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC10150542\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC10150542\/\">those who feel FOMO are likely to have a great deal of stress in their lives<\/a>, be more anxious and depressed, and have their sleep regularly disrupted.<\/p>\n<p>Much of this is due to the current technological environment that we find ourselves in. For those who experience intense FOMO, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/media-deprivation\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/media-deprivation\/\">social media platforms like Instagram and Snapchat<\/a> can play a large role in showing you everything that you didn\u2019t get to attend. \u201cFOMO can result in compulsive social media checking to see if they \u2018missed out\u2019 on anything, social comparison about how they fell short, and a preoccupation with other people&#8217;s social lives, all of which can be detrimental to mental health and overall well-being,\u201d explains Dr. Silva.<\/p>\n<h3>JOMO<\/h3>\n<p>\u201cIn terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin,\u201d jokes comedian John Mulaney. It&#8217;s a feeling that those with JOMO understand well. If you\u2019re someone who feels JOMO vs. FOMO when you cancel plans or are left out of a big group gathering (and I\u2019m with you), know that Dr. Silva says it can help you process the reality of not having been invited or choosing to abstain from venturing out with your friends. \u201cJOMO is a healthy way to handle not being at certain events that involves using skills such as acceptance, mindfulness, and reframing negative beliefs into healthier, more adaptive ones,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>Importantly, however, this shouldn\u2019t be a carte blanche call to <em>only<\/em> \u201csocialize\u201d with Lorelai and Rory Gilmore (even if Friday night dinners are your communing of choice). \u201cWhile JOMO sounds like a completely positive alternative to FOMO, we must be cautious that people with social anxiety aren&#8217;t purposely missing events to avoid social interactions, which will only perpetuate the anxiety,\u201d Dr. Silva says.<\/p>\n<p>In this case, the avoidance of events brings relief and joy, but it can also mean that you\u2019re isolating yourself, which research has shown <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fgo.skimresources.com%3Fid%3D104860X1561639%26xs%3D1%26xcust%3DSTMS-1142675%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Flink.springer.com%252Farticle%252F10.1007%252Fs00127-016-1178-7&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffomo-vs-jomo%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s00127-016-1178-7\" data-type=\"affiliateLink\" data-aff-intermediate=\"https:\/\/go.skimresources.com?id=104860X1561639&amp;xs=1&amp;xcust=STMS-1142675&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Farticle%2F10.1007%2Fs00127-016-1178-7\">can bring on depression and loneliness<\/a>. As a result, it\u2019s important to ensure that the joy of missing out doesn\u2019t become the despair of being alone all the time.<\/p>\n<h2>Does having JOMO or FOMO mean that I\u2019m basing my happiness on others?<\/h2>\n<p>Not necessarily. First and foremost, it\u2019s important to understand that it\u2019s natural\u2014biological, even\u2014to crave connection. \u201cMany of us find fulfillment in being social and included in things, and having others consider us,\u201d says Dr. Silva. \u201cWhen you aren&#8217;t invited, and watching from the outside you can\u2026feel like your life has gaps.\u201d In other words, it\u2019s not an inherent flaw that the second you want to cancel plans you either feel a sweet hit of relief that you don\u2019t have to crawl off your couch or that nagging sense that you\u2019re missing out. That you feel those things is human.<\/p>\n<p>However, it\u2019s just important to take note of these feelings and how they change over time. If you consistently are feeling like you\u2019ve got to attend every social obligation you\u2019re invited to or if you\u2019ve joyously canceled plans multiple times in a row and now the thought of going out brings you anxiety, it\u2019s worth tapping into these feelings and doing some self-work to get to the bottom of what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFinding joy in a way you can control is a major key to happiness,\u201d Patel says. \u201cYou can\u2019t always rely on others to bring you joy because ultimately others can&#8217;t always be there for you and it&#8217;s not their daily responsibility to make sure you are happy. Only you hold that responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>How do I make sure I\u2019m finding internal sources of happiness?<\/h2>\n<p>Okay, so now we\u2019ve reached the portion of the programming where experts say that you can start to base your feelings of happiness and contentment on what you feel\u2014rather than your reaction to missing or opting out of plans with others. \u201cIf you can find joy in your passions, independence, interests, hobbies, and lifestyle, these are things you have control over. You do not have control over other people,\u201d says Dr. Silva. Below are a few strategies to help you do that.<\/p>\n<h3>1. Take some time for self-reflection<\/h3>\n<p>We can get so caught up in the day-to-day grind that we can forget to take stock of what makes us happy outside of plans with others. \u201cOftentimes it takes self-reflection to understand who and what you are relying on to find joy and shifting that thinking to find areas in your life you can control,\u201d says Patel.<\/p>\n<p>To allow yourself to remember what brings you joy, take a minute to think back on activities that you participated in or one-off plans with friends that made you really happy, and then plan to do more of those in the year to come.<\/p>\n<h3>2. Write it down<\/h3>\n<p>Sometimes, putting something out there in the world by telling someone or making a physical record by writing it down can help you realize what your priorities are. \u201cTake a minute to write down a list of all the things that make you happy,\u201d says Patel. \u201cThen split them up by things that are in your control and out of your control. Make sure there are enough things you can do and rely on daily that bring you joy that are up to you.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>3. Start with small steps<\/h3>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to go from zero to a hundred in a single day, says Patel. So if you\u2019re feeling intense FOMO when you see others carry out plans without you, don\u2019t expect to never ever feel those feelings again. Instead, \u201ctake small steps in discovering what brings you joy and happiness. Oftentimes it&#8217;s the small changes that make the biggest impact over time.\u201d Patel says.<\/p>\n<h3>4. Do things that you\u2019re great at<\/h3>\n<p>Feeling proud of yourself because you\u2019ve accomplished something\u2013something that you\u2019re great at\u2014can be incredibly rewarding and bring happiness to your life. \u201cEngaging in activities that enhance both pleasure and mastery [can help you feel in control],\u201d says Dr. Silva. \u201cPleasure is feeling joy when engaging in an activity. Mastery is feeling as though you accomplished something.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>5. Don\u2019t worry about making excuses<\/h3>\n<p>Once you understand the things that really make you happy, you can free yourself from saying yes or no out of obligation and without excuse. This can begin to foster feelings of control and also allow you freedom to be at events when you truly want to be there, and not when you feel like you have to. \u201cMany people are now <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-say-no\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-say-no\/\">practicing saying yes and no<\/a> to events without excuses,\u201d says Patel. Because, as she reminds us: \u201cOftentimes you have to love yourself and be in a good place yourself before you can love and be there for others.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"block-thin post-citations mt-[40px] mb-[30px]\" data-module-init=\"main-2020\/post-citations\" data-module-immediate=\"true\">\n<hr class=\"!border-seafoam-dark mb-[24px]\"\/>\n<div class=\"post-citations-content flex flex-col gap-[24px]\">\n<p>Well+Good articles reference scientific, reliable, recent, robust studies to back up the information we share. You can trust us along your wellness journey.<\/p>\n<div>\n<ol class=\"!ml-[18px] !mt-0\">\n<li>\n              Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., &amp; Vohs, K. D. (2003). \u201cDoes High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?\u201d <em>Psychological Science in the Public Interest,<\/em> 4(1), 1-44. <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/1529-1006.01431\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/1529-1006.01431<\/a>            <\/li>\n<li>\n              Liu, Xinyang et al. \u201cThe effect of fear of missing out on mental health: differences in different solitude behaviors.\u201d\u00a0<i>BMC psychology<\/i>\u00a0vol. 11,1 141. 1 May. 2023, doi:10.1186\/s40359-023-01184-5            <\/li>\n<li>\n              Matthews, T., Danese, A., Wertz, J., et al. (2016). \u201cSocial isolation, loneliness and depression in young adulthood: a behavioural genetic analysis.\u201d <em>Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology,<\/em> 51, 339\u2013348. <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s00127-016-1178-7\" target=\"_new\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s00127-016-1178-7<\/a>            <\/li>\n<\/ol><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<hr class=\"!border-seafoam-dark mt-[24px]\"\/>\n  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You know the drill: You get a holiday party invite with all of your friends, and excitedly RSVP yes. As the days creep closer, you\u2019re exhausted\u2014work is hectic, the house is a mess, and you\u2019ve overextended yourself in terms of obligations. You want to cancel, but whether you send the text bowing out likely depends &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9493","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.8 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You know the drill: You get a holiday party invite with all of your friends, and excitedly RSVP yes. As the days creep closer, you\u2019re exhausted\u2014work is hectic, the house is a mess, and you\u2019ve overextended yourself in terms of obligations. You want to cancel, but whether you send the text bowing out likely depends\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"max-image-preview:large\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\"\/>\n\t<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9493\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"generator\" content=\"All in One SEO (AIOSEO) 4.9.8\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"LOUDHDTV - Just another WordPress site\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fomo vs. Jomo: Neither Offers Internal Happiness - LOUDHDTV\" \/>\n\t\t<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You know the drill: You get a holiday party invite with all of your friends, and excitedly RSVP yes. As the days creep closer, you\u2019re exhausted\u2014work is hectic, the house is a mess, and you\u2019ve overextended yourself in terms of obligations. 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