{"id":9229,"date":"2023-12-03T23:12:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-03T16:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9229"},"modified":"2023-12-03T23:12:00","modified_gmt":"2023-12-03T16:12:00","slug":"limerence-vs-love-whats-the-difference","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=9229","title":{"rendered":"Limerence vs. Love: What&#8217;s the Difference?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">B<\/span>eing obsessed with your love interest is an incredibly pervasive trope in pop culture. From Carrie Bradshaw constantly name-dropping Mr. Big to the point of needing therapy in the early seasons of <em>Sex and the City<\/em>, to Barry Keoghan slurping up the remnants of Jacob Elordi\u2019s bathwater in <em>Saltburn<\/em>, Western media continually paints being all-consumed with desire or need for your crush as the pinnacle of romance.<\/p>\n<p>In reality though, this type of obsession can be difficult to deal with. Referred to as \u201climerence,\u201d it\u2019s more intense than your typical crush\u2014and is a little bit different than what \u201ctrue\u201d love is.<\/p>\n<h2>What is limerence?<\/h2>\n<p>Psychologist Dorothy Tennov, PhD, first came up with the term limerence in the 1970s after conducting more than 300 interviews to gather data on how people experienced romantic love.<\/p>\n<p>During her interviews, Dr. Tennov apparently found that there was a particular shared experience among some people who were in love\u2014where people were overwhelmingly desirous for that person\u2019s attention and affection (typically for someone who did not share that same regard). She detailed her findings in a book titled <a href=\"https:\/\/www.themarginalian.org\/2021\/11\/25\/love-and-limerence-dorothy-tennov\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.themarginalian.org\/2021\/11\/25\/love-and-limerence-dorothy-tennov\/\"><em>Love and Limerence<\/em><\/a>, published in 1979.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cLimerence is almost a heightened crush, like a crush on steroids.&#8221; \u2014Margaret Lorenz, LCSW<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cLimerence is a condition in which a person experiences an overwhelming desire to be close to, receive attention from, and reciprocate positive feelings with another person, often called a \u2018limerent object,\u2019\u201d says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/therapists\/brandy-e-wyant-arlington-ma\/1039791\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/therapists\/brandy-e-wyant-arlington-ma\/1039791\">Brandy Wyant, MPH, MSW, LCSW<\/a>, a clinical social worker who\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8641115\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8641115\/\">studied limerence<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/limerence-vs-love\/\" current-title=\"Are You Falling in Love\u2026 Or Is It Just Limerence? Here\u2019s How To Tell\" current-image=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/GettyImages-limerence-vs-love-AlinaRudya-BellCollective-425x285_418x278_true_70.webp\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-06-03\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/limerence-vs-love\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/limerence-vs-love\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/limerence-vs-love\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Limerence often leads to obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that interfere with your functioning, says Wyant. \u201cFor example, the sufferer might stare at photos of the limerent object for extended periods of time, frequently mention the limerent object in conversation, and repeatedly mentally review interactions with the limerent object to look for signs as to how they feel towards the person experiencing limerence.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>What are the signs of limerence?<\/h2>\n<p>In <em>Love and Limerence<\/em>, Dr. Tennov listed 12 \u201cbasic components\u201d of limerence based on common, recurring themes from her interviews. They include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Intrusive thoughts about the limerent object (LO)<\/li>\n<li>Extreme longing for the LO to reciprocate your feelings<\/li>\n<li>Your mood becoming dependent on the actions (or perceived actions) of the LO<\/li>\n<li>Fear of rejection by the LO, which might cause shyness in their presence<\/li>\n<li>An aching \u201cheart\u201d (i.e., chest) during times of uncertainty<\/li>\n<li>Being hyper-fixated on any signs that could hint the LO feels the same way about you (including a willingness to invent signs that aren\u2019t there)<\/li>\n<li>Intense feelings that distract you from other aspects of your life<\/li>\n<li>A feeling of \u201cwalking on air\u201d when it seems like the LO may reciprocate your feelings<\/li>\n<li>A tendency to emphasize the LO\u2019s positive traits while ignoring negative ones<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>While you may pick up on similarities between limerence and typical crushes, keep in mind that the former is much more intense.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLimerence is almost a heightened crush, like a crush on steroids,\u201d says sex and relationship therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/margaretlorenzlcsw\/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/margaretlorenzlcsw\/?hl=en\">Margaret Lorenz<\/a>, LCSW. \u201cA crush will fade kind of quickly\u2014you can continue with your regular life without having it impede on your every day.\u201d Meanwhile, she says, limerence is more obsessive, and can significantly impact your daily life: \u201cYou are thinking about the other person, daydreaming about them all the time, waiting for their texts to come through, wanting to contact them, imagining what a life with them would be like if this connection moves forward.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>What\u2019s the difference between limerence vs. love?<\/h2>\n<p>Limerence has similarities with love or infatuation, which can make things confusing. \u201cYou can think of limerence like passionate love, or total absorption in the other person,\u201d says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marisatcohen.com\/about-me.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.marisatcohen.com\/about-me.html\">Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT<\/a>, a therapist and relationship researcher at dating app<a href=\"https:\/\/hily.com\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/hily.com\/\"> Hily<\/a>. And it\u2019s possible to fall in love with someone and become infatuated with them,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/difference-between-being-love-loving-someone\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/difference-between-being-love-loving-someone\/\"> even if you don\u2019t know them that well<\/a> yet.<\/p>\n<p>An important differentiation between the two is uncertainty. Limerence arises specifically when you don\u2019t have reassurance that the LO reciprocates your desire. That might be because they&#8217;re not forthcoming, are emotionally unavailable (cough, Mr. Big), or because there&#8217;s something that otherwise prevents them from being able to reciprocate.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe key to distinguishing limerence from other forms of infatuation or obsessive attachment is the unavailability of the limerent object,\u201d says Wyant. \u201cThere are barriers that would prevent an intimate relationship from forming in real life, such as incompatible sexual orientation or gender identity, age difference, the limerent object already being in a committed romantic partnership, or the limerent object being a celebrity.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>How common is limerence?<\/h2>\n<p>We don\u2019t really have a clear answer to how common it is to experience limerence. \u201cThis is an area where we really need research,\u201d says Wyant. \u201cPrevalence estimates can be hard to collect, because we do not currently have clinical criteria for limerence outlined in the DSM-V.\u201d (The DSM-V is the diagnostic manual that mental health professionals use to understand and diagnose mental health conditions like depression, eating disorders, anxiety, and more.) \u201cIf we had limerence listed in the DSM, clinicians and researchers could define limerence that rises to a clinically significant level and may require treatment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere aren\u2019t estimates as to how common limerence is that I know of,\u201d agrees Lorenz. However, based on the responses she\u2019s received from TikToks she\u2019s posted about the topic, she thinks it could be quite common. \u201cI have so many people reach out to me of all different ages, men and women,\u201d she says. \u201c&#8230;So I think it&#8217;s a little bit more widespread than I ever realized when I first learned about it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>People with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may be more likely than those with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/signs-secure-attachment\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/signs-secure-attachment\/\">secure attachment style<\/a> to develop limerence, Lorenz says. With someone with an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/adult-attachment-styles\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/adult-attachment-styles\/\">anxious attachment style<\/a> (meaning that they constantly are unsure about whether their partner loves them, have trouble being vulnerable, and aren\u2019t sure how to interpret behavior), \u201cyou&#8217;d naturally think that they could fall into limerence because they so want to connect with people,\u201d she says. But she says that those with an avoidant attachment style (meaning they struggle to trust people and shy away from emotional intimacy) \u201clove that heightened \u2018Will we get together?\u2019 limerent phase, but once it gets real, they feel uncomfortable and they run away.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Tips for dealing with limerence<\/h2>\n<p>The best approach to dealing with limerence will depend on your relationship to the LO. If you\u2019re in a situation where you know the person and it would be appropriate to let them know you have feelings for them, that may help you move past it, says Lorenz. They may reciprocate your feelings or give you a definitive \u201cno,\u201d and either outcome can cause limerence to fade, she says. \u201cIt&#8217;s when it&#8217;s kind of hot and cold that it&#8217;s harder,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, if you\u2019re limerent toward someone you <em>just<\/em> started dating, it can help to remain open to dating other people and leaning into other areas of your life, says Lorenz. \u201cIf you&#8217;re starting to feel that limerence where maybe you&#8217;re blowing off your friends or you&#8217;re thinking about them all the time and you&#8217;re planning eight dates ahead, but they&#8217;re kind of moving forward at a typical pace, then I encourage people to still talk to other people, go out with your friends.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In some cases, limerence can last years, and can require the help of a mental health professional to move past, says Lorenz. She sometimes takes clients through a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/renew-year-gabrielle-bernstein-cut-emotional-cords\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/renew-year-gabrielle-bernstein-cut-emotional-cords\/\">cord-cutting meditation<\/a>, she says, which typically involves visualizing a cord connecting you to the person you\u2019re fixated on, and then imagining cutting it. \u201cYou do that for a couple of months with the idea that you are ending the energy that&#8217;s going back and forth between the two of you,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>However, sometimes limerence can become so intense that DIY solutions don\u2019t, well, cut it. \u201cA lot of people fight back and don&#8217;t really want to let it go completely. It is a dopamine rush that can get almost addictive,\u201d says Lorenz. If that\u2019s the case for you, it\u2019s time to enlist professional support in the form of a therapist, counselor, or other qualified person.<\/p>\n<p>While having a crush can feel exciting, desire can veer into an unhealthy obsession. When limerence arises, it can put you through intense highs and lows that distract you from other areas of your life, but you can take steps to release yourself from the attachment.<\/p>\n<div class=\"block-thin post-citations mt-[40px] mb-[30px]\" data-module-init=\"main-2020\/post-citations\" data-module-immediate=\"true\">\n<hr class=\"!border-seafoam-dark mb-[24px]\"\/>\n<div class=\"post-citations-content flex flex-col gap-[24px]\">\n<p>Well+Good articles reference scientific, reliable, recent, robust studies to back up the information we share. You can trust us along your wellness journey.<\/p>\n<div>\n<ol class=\"!ml-[18px] !mt-0\">\n<li>\n              Wyant, Brandy E. \u201cTreatment of Limerence Using a Cognitive Behavioral Approach: A Case Study.\u201d <em>Journal of patient experience<\/em> vol. 8 23743735211060812. 23 Nov. 2021, doi:10.1177\/23743735211060812            <\/li>\n<\/ol><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<hr class=\"!border-seafoam-dark mt-[24px]\"\/>\n  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being obsessed with your love interest is an incredibly pervasive trope in pop culture. From Carrie Bradshaw constantly name-dropping Mr. Big to the point of needing therapy in the early seasons of Sex and the City, to Barry Keoghan slurping up the remnants of Jacob Elordi\u2019s bathwater in Saltburn, Western media continually paints being all-consumed &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":9230,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.8 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being obsessed with your love interest is an incredibly pervasive trope in pop culture. 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