{"id":8628,"date":"2023-11-06T17:54:54","date_gmt":"2023-11-06T10:54:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=8628"},"modified":"2023-11-06T17:54:54","modified_gmt":"2023-11-06T10:54:54","slug":"motherhood-martyrdom-why-moms-become-martys-from-a-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=8628","title":{"rendered":"Motherhood &#038; Martyrdom: Why Moms Become Martys From A Therapist"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mindbodygreen-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/c_crop,x_0,y_0,w_2000,h_1334\/c_fill,w_700,h_400,g_auto,q_85,fl_lossy,f_jpg\/org\/gcvjm9kg0lo66eweb.jpeg\" \/><\/p>\n<div end=\"false\">\n<p>The reason as to why so many moms naturally become martyrs is that there&#8217;s significant overlap between femininity and what it means to be a martyr.<\/p>\n<p>Many of the martyr\u2019s ideal qualities align with those put forth by the tenets and pressures of femininity. To be successfully \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Bodies-Big-Ideas-Small-Books\/dp\/0312427204\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"sponsored noopener\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Bodies-Big-Ideas-Small-Books\/dp\/0312427204\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20\">feminine<\/a>\u201d means to: defer to others, anticipate the needs of others and define the self in relation to others (mother, daughter, sister, wife, and so on). The risk of not being \u201cgood\u201d is very high for mothering individuals\u2014being critiqued for not doing \u201cenough\u201d and therefore being \u201cenough.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And yet, the cost of being defined in relation to others, is that one doesn\u2019t live in line with her own needs and wants.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Somewhere along the way, we got the cultural message that to value being \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/yalebooks.yale.edu\/book\/9780300076523\/cultural-contradictions-motherhood\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/yalebooks.yale.edu\/book\/9780300076523\/cultural-contradictions-motherhood\/\" rel=\"noopener\">child-centered<\/a> expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor-intensive and financially expensive\u201d was the <em>right<\/em> way to parent.<\/p>\n<p>We begin to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/mom-guilt-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/mom-guilt-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it\" rel=\"noopener\">feel guilt<\/a> if we outsource child care to a community member or babysitter. We believe we should be straddling the jungle gym alongside our toddlers, not sitting with adults on the sidelines. We worry that we aren\u2019t being supportive parents if we don\u2019t sign up our kids for several extracurricular activities; and therefore we continue to sacrifice ourselves on behalf of our family.<\/p>\n<p>Perinatal psychiatrist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.poojalakshmin.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/www.poojalakshmin.com\/\" rel=\"noopener\">Pooja Lakshmin, M.D<\/a>., writes about the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2020\/05\/05\/parenting\/mothers-not-martyrs.html\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2020\/05\/05\/parenting\/mothers-not-martyrs.html\" rel=\"noopener\">conflicting messages <\/a>her mothering patients receive: On one hand to be self-sacrificing and on the other hand to find personal meaning and succeed as professionals.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Have you considered that this style of parenting is a cultural norm <em>not<\/em> necessarily the best way of being for you and your family? Have you noticed that being a martyr might keep you doing more work (without <a href=\"https:\/\/time.com\/4377397\/cost-stay-at-home-parent\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/time.com\/4377397\/cost-stay-at-home-parent\/\" rel=\"noopener\">payment<\/a>, ahem), enabling others to do less work? Who does your martyrdom truly benefit\u2013is it your kids or a patriarchal and capitalist society that taught you that you are worthless if you are not working for others?<\/p>\n<p>How do we <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/why-you-may-grieve-your-former-self-as-new-parent\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"mbg-track-event\" data-track-event-types=\"click\" data-track-type=\"article-link\" data-track-prop-element-id=\"in-body-link\" data-track-prop-label=\"page_type | element_id\" data-track-prop-category=\"Link\" data-track-prop-link=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/why-you-may-grieve-your-former-self-as-new-parent\" rel=\"noopener\">model living more freely in ourselves<\/a>, gaining clarity on our own thoughts, feelings and desires, so that eventually our children do the same?\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The reason as to why so many moms naturally become martyrs is that there&#8217;s significant overlap between femininity and what it means to be a martyr. Many of the martyr\u2019s ideal qualities align with those put forth by the tenets and pressures of femininity. To be successfully \u201cfeminine\u201d means to: defer to others, anticipate the &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[202,229],"class_list":["post-8628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-motherhood","tag-parenthetical"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8628","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8628"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8628\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8628"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8628"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}