{"id":7948,"date":"2023-10-06T00:42:38","date_gmt":"2023-10-05T17:42:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7948"},"modified":"2023-10-06T00:42:38","modified_gmt":"2023-10-05T17:42:38","slug":"traveling-freely-fills-me-with-first-generation-guilt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7948","title":{"rendered":"Traveling Freely Fills Me With First-Generation Guilt"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">M<\/span>y earliest memory of traveling is visiting my parents\u2019 home country of M\u00e9xico when I was six years old. Because they were unable to afford airfare for our family of six, we caravanned with four other families, making a 36-hour pilgrimage from Los Angeles to my dad\u2019s home state of Colima.<\/p>\n<p>For this trip, my parents saved all year, took unpaid time off work, and sacrificed their sleep. In the more than 20 years since, I\u2019ve taken approximately 25 flights to 10 countries and three continents. My parents, on the other hand, have been to five countries in total between the two of them, if you include both M\u00e9xico and the United States.<\/p>\n<p>In her 40s, my mom (who is now 58) traveled to Canada, Italy, and El Salvador\u2014all trips for which she used a significant sum of her life savings, spent time away from her family, and ate mostly sandwiches to save a buck. My father, on the other hand, has only traveled to M\u00e9xico and El Salvador, always to visit friends and family rather than to relax or enjoy a vacation.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been almost 20 years since either of my parents has gone to a country other than their homeland, where they now visit primarily when a family member is ill or has passed. Their travel has always been out of sacrifice or necessity\u2014but mine? Always for leisure or in luxury.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>My parents&#8217; travel has always been out of sacrifice or necessity\u2014but mine? Always for leisure or in luxury.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>You see, I\u2019m a well-being and lifestyle writer who <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/best-coastal-cities-mexico\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/best-coastal-cities-mexico\/\">covers travel<\/a>. As a result, I am often invited on press trips, which are all-expenses-paid trips to new and noteworthy hotels and other destinations offered on the basis of potential coverage. I\u2019ve taken a wellness trip to Las Vegas (paid for by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mgmresorts.com\/en.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.mgmresorts.com\/en.html\">MGM Resorts<\/a>) and visited Morocco (thanks, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.visitmorocco.com\/en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.visitmorocco.com\/en\">Moroccan National Tourism Office<\/a>!). At the end of August, sportswear company HOKA paid for me to go to France.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/first-generation-guilt-traveling\/\" current-title=\"Unpacking My First-Generation Guilt: I Travel for Work and Play\u2014But My Mexican Parents Have Only Traveled as a Sacrifice\" current-image=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/WG_Editorial_Traveling-for-luxury-v.-sacrifice_418x278_true_70.webp\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-04-05\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/first-generation-guilt-traveling\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/first-generation-guilt-traveling\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/first-generation-guilt-traveling\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>In addition to these press trips, I\u2019ve also taken vacations on my own dime. In 2019, I spent three weeks in Europe, visiting Croatia, The Netherlands, Ireland, Belgium, and France. In 2021, my cousins and I partied in Canc\u00fan for a week. That same year, I celebrated my birthday with friends in Atlanta, Georgia. And a year after that, my sister and I took a four-day vacation to Puerto Vallarta, M\u00e9xico, where we swam with dolphins and spent a lot of time on boats.<\/p>\n<p>Whenever I\u2019m able to go on these press trips or vacations (especially the international ones), I can\u2019t help but think to myself, <em>Holy s**t\u2014this is amazing!!! I\u2019m so grateful that my hard work paid off and that I have these opportunities. I just wish I could bring my parents\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And then the first-generation guilt pours over me: I feel guilty that I can enjoy traveling the world for work and play while my parents still don\u2019t have the money or paid time off to do so. I feel guilty that my parents&#8217; sacrifices helped me gain access to education they didn&#8217;t have, which has helped me build a career and earn money that they also don&#8217;t have. But, most of all, I feel guilty that I <em>get<\/em> to travel as a luxury instead of <em>having<\/em> to do it as a sacrifice.<\/p>\n<h2>Why I feel first-generation guilt while traveling luxuriously for work and play<\/h2>\n<p>My mom left M\u00e9xico when she was 14 years old. She often recalls that she had to run away from hounds that chased her along the U.S.-M\u00e9xico border. At least she had family here and was able to get a job with those connections. My father may not have risked his life to emigrate from M\u00e9xico, but at age 20, he left his family behind and had to start from scratch here.<\/p>\n<p>They didn\u2019t leave M\u00e9xico by choice. My dad tells me, with tears in his eyes, \u201cI never wished to be away from home\u2014but I felt hopeless.\u201d They left for the same reason that plenty of people leave their home country: to have better economic prospects. Even as a teenager, my mom could see the time and monetary burden on her family. She was the eldest child in a family of 14; diapers for a dozen kids don\u2019t change themselves, and dinner for just as many doesn\u2019t cook itself, either. Both my parents also wanted their future kids to have access to a better life than they one they were living.<\/p>\n<p>So, if that\u2019s exactly what I\u2019ve accomplished\u2014having a college degree, making more money, and being able to travel leisurely and luxuriously\u2014why the f**k do I feel so guilty for doing so?<\/p>\n<p>At its core, the first-generation guilt I feel about enjoying luxurious trips and traveling for fun is tied to having the kind of financial freedom that my parents don\u2019t have (and haven\u2019t had). There\u2019s also a layer of feeling like I get to enjoy travel as a direct result of <em>their<\/em> travel\u2014of a different and deeply <em>un<\/em>enjoyable sort.<\/p>\n<p>This sense of guilt isn\u2019t a rare occurrence among first-generation children, according to clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.calatheawellness.com\/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.calatheawellness.com\/about\">Lisette Sanchez, PhD<\/a>, host of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@thefirstgenpsychologist\/featured\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@thefirstgenpsychologist\/featured\"><em>The First Gen Psychologist<\/em><\/a>. \u201cIt\u2019s possible you\u2019ll feel guilty having any luxury that your parents don&#8217;t [or didn\u2019t] have access to,\u201d says Dr. Sanchez. \u201cResting is a big one. Documentation status is also on the list. You might also feel guilty if you work an office job in air conditioning while your parents are doing hard physical labor,\u201d she says, adding, \u201cI could probably make a list of the top 100 things that first-generation children feel guilty for.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Neither one of my parents has a particularly physically demanding job. They\u2019ve also been U.S. citizens since the \u201890s, so my guilt hasn\u2019t stemmed from any mixed-status issues. However, they still can\u2019t travel much. They need virtually every penny they make at work for food, their mortgage, and household expenses. My parents just can\u2019t afford to be away from work and not making money. Whereas, they see me as a bonafide globetrotter\u2014and don\u2019t hesitate to point out the differences in our respective lifestyles. Though they mean well, they often say things like, \u201cYou\u2019re leaving <em>again<\/em>?\u201d and \u201c<em>\u00a1M\u00edrala!<\/em>\u201d which means \u201cLook at <em>her<\/em>!\u201d in Spanish.<\/p>\n<p>The implication is that I\u2019m leaving them behind while I jet around the world, which makes me feel especially like I\u2019m failing them. It\u2019s a sentiment that trauma therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/emdrandtraumatherapy.com\/meet-adriana\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/emdrandtraumatherapy.com\/meet-adriana\">Adriana Alejandre, LMFT<\/a>, founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/latinxtherapy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/latinxtherapy.com\/\">Latinx Therapy<\/a>, says may be heightened in first-generation Latinx children who enjoy luxuries they can\u2019t share with family members because of the ways we especially value family.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cEspecially as first-gens, we feel that silent obligation to help our parents once we reach our milestones.\u201d \u2014Adriana Alejandre, LMFT, therapist<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cOne of the foundational pieces within our Latinx community is that we come from a collectivistic culture. More particularly, we value <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/life-in-the-intersection\/201704\/familismo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/life-in-the-intersection\/201704\/familismo\"><em>familismo<\/em><\/a>,\u201d says Alejandre, referencing the Latinx concept of putting family first. \u201cEspecially as first-gens, we feel that silent obligation to help our parents once we reach our milestones,\u201d adds Alejandre. \u201cI think [the guilt] stems from <em>familismo<\/em> and the feeling that when we climb the ladder, we should bring our family members with us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One of my biggest dreams is to take my family with me on a press trip or vacation and put them up in a five-star resort where they can order <em>whatever<\/em> they want without having to pay for it. That\u2019s <em>familismo<\/em> in action. Though I feel lucky to be able to provide these experiences for myself thanks to the career I\u2019ve built, I still can\u2019t share them with my family\u2014and so, I feel guilty.<\/p>\n<p>Part of that guilt may also stem from a \u201cdeep sense of gratitude [to your family] and not knowing how to show that gratitude,\u201d Alejandre adds. Indeed, it\u2019s impossible to ignore the fact that if my parents didn\u2019t make the sacrifice of leaving their families, communities, and culture behind in M\u00e9xico for the chance to start over in the United States many years ago, I may not have been able to experience any of my recent trips, whether for work or play.<\/p>\n<p>Not to mention the ways in which my parents have continually sacrificed since arriving in the U.S. in order to build a better life for me and my siblings. My dad sacrificed going out to lunch or drinks with friends because he had to walk around to solicit employment when he first got to the States. Then, he had to sacrifice part of his earnings because his family back in M\u00e9xico also needed his support. For a while, he couch-surfed until he could find a steady source of income.<\/p>\n<p>All the while, my mom sacrificed living with her siblings and watching them grow up, which pains her, she tells me, since she was essentially a second mother to them. But her biggest sacrifice, she says, was giving up her dream of becoming a doctor. Once she got to the U.S., she had to work around the clock to make ends meet; there was no time or money for medical school.<\/p>\n<p>Paired with the humble nature of my upbringing, all of these sacrifices my parents have made (largely in the name of my livelihood and lifestyle) have led me to feel like an imposter on my recent trips\u2014like I don\u2019t actually deserve the luxury I\u2019ve been lucky enough to experience.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen you&#8217;re raised in a culture that highly values humility and staying true to your roots, anything that is contradictory to that\u2014like taking a luxurious trip or having a fancy dinner\u2014can create cognitive dissonance,\u201d says Dr. Sanchez, referencing the unsettling feeling that happens when you hold two seemingly contradictory beliefs at once. It\u2019s common to feel guilty for having nice things when that seems to go against your core values, she says.<\/p>\n<h2>How I\u2019m working to replace my guilt with gratitude<\/h2>\n<p>Much of my guilt lies in <em>my<\/em> perception of my life as more luxurious than that of my parents\u2014as evidenced most apparently by the different ways in which we\u2019ve experienced travel, respectively. But Dr. Sanchez says it\u2019s important for me to consider my parents\u2019 perspectives, too.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe look around and see the ease of lifestyle that we have in comparison to theirs, and we want them to have what we have, but that may not always be what<em> they <\/em>want,\u201d says Dr. Sanchez. \u201cThey came here in search of a more peaceful life, in search of relief from what they were experiencing. And in many ways, they may have already achieved that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>By the same token, the necessity I feel to share my good fortune with my parents, to bring them on these trips with me, may be more a factor of my perspective on the situation than theirs. \u201cYou may expect to earn a certain amount so that you can bring your family on vacation, but who is putting those expectations on you? Most likely, it is just you,\u201d says Alejandre. \u201cIt\u2019s important to reflect on how the silent expectations you may be placing<em> on yourself <\/em>are feeding the guilt.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But no matter how much I try to distance myself from my own stringent expectations, I may not be able to totally absolve myself of the first-generation guilt I feel while traveling, says Dr. Sanchez. And that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s hard to stop feeling the guilt entirely, so you have to find ways to honor that in the moment.\u201d \u2014Lisette Sanchez, PhD, clinical psychologist<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s hard to stop feeling the guilt entirely, so you have to find ways to honor that in the moment,\u201d says Dr. Sanchez. \u201cSelf-awareness is key, as is understanding that there\u2019s a reason why you\u2019re experiencing discomfort.\u201d And as for the feeling that my lifestyle is at odds with the way I was raised? Dr. Sanchez says it\u2019s helpful to recognize that \u201cyou can hold your new values and still make room for your parents\u2019 values [at the same time].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve also taken solace in the fact that, again, my parents initially moved to the States so that I could do all the things I\u2019m doing\u2014even (and especially) if they stretch beyond what my parents themselves can afford to do now or ever. Perhaps I can feel grateful for the sacrifices that they\u2019ve made for me to have a better life without also feeling guilty to be, well, living that life.<\/p>\n<p>When I shared my recent guilt with my parents, they confirmed as much. \u201cI feel bad because I wouldn\u2019t have any of this without you,\u201d I recently told my mom. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t bring you with me.\u201d She swiftly responded, \u201c<em>Nombre. Estoy s\u00faper orgullosa de t\u00ed y yo estoy feliz viendo a mis hijos felices y bien<\/em>.\u201d (\u201cNo way. I\u2019m super proud of you, and I\u2019m happy seeing my kids happy and doing well.) Plus, she knows I always find any way that I can to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/best-lubes-vaginal-dryness\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/best-lubes-vaginal-dryness\/\">share my luxuries with her<\/a>. And my career is still growing. Who knows what I\u2019ll be able to share in the future?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My earliest memory of traveling is visiting my parents\u2019 home country of M\u00e9xico when I was six years old. Because they were unable to afford airfare for our family of six, we caravanned with four other families, making a 36-hour pilgrimage from Los Angeles to my dad\u2019s home state of Colima. For this trip, my &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7948"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7948\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}