{"id":7895,"date":"2023-10-03T19:41:19","date_gmt":"2023-10-03T12:41:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7895"},"modified":"2023-10-03T19:41:19","modified_gmt":"2023-10-03T12:41:19","slug":"finding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7895","title":{"rendered":"Finding the Beauty in My Own Bittersweet"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<aside class=\"post-share hidden md:flex justify-center relative bg-transparent text-justify bottom-0 md:bottom-auto left-[20px] right-0 md:right-auto z-10\" data-module-init=\"post-share\">\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Facebook\" data-vars-info=\"\/finding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-facebook\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on facebook<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share?text=Finding%20the%20Beauty%20in%20My%20Own%20Bittersweet%20via%20%40iamwellandgood&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Twitter\" data-vars-info=\"\/finding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-twitter\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on twitter<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/link\/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F&amp;description=Finding%20the%20Beauty%20in%20My%20Own%20Bittersweet&amp;media=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2023%2F09%2FWG_MindsIssue_Editorial_WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_FullBleed-620x215.png\" data-vars-event=\"Pinterest\" data-vars-info=\"\/finding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-pinterest-p\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on pinterest<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" href=\"mailto:?subject=Finding%20the%20Beauty%20in%20My%20Own%20Bittersweet&amp;body=My%20misty%20cloud%20of%20melancholy%20has%20its%20silver%20linings%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Email\" data-vars-info=\"\/finding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet\/\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-paper-plane\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on email<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n  <\/aside>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin premium-text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>My misty cloud of melancholy has its silver linings.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> I&#8217;ve felt trailed by a hazy, gray cloud for nearly my entire 30 years on Earth. The cloud isn\u2019t raining, per se. Nor does it completely block the sun when it shines. It\u2019s just gray, misty-feeling, and persistent.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Merriam-Webster has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/dictionary\/melancholy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/dictionary\/melancholy\">two entries for the word \u201cmelancholy.\u201d<\/a> As a noun, it\u2019s defined as \u201ca pensive mood\u201d or \u201cdepression of spirits.\u201d As an adjective, it\u2019s \u201csadness or depression of mind and spirit.\u201d To me, it\u2019s bittersweetness. It\u2019s a state of wistfulness characterized by a propensity for (often somber) reflection. It\u2019s not depression, nor is it the antithesis of joy; there can be elation and hope in my melancholy. It\u2019s a bliss that encompasses two things at once: the happiness tinged with sadness and vice versa. It\u2019s less an emotion and more a personality type\u2014one that\u2019s highly susceptible to rolling waves of heaviness, longing, and sentimentality. It\u2019s a complex, ancient trait that has especially plagued philosophers, <a href=\"https:\/\/quod.lib.umich.edu\/c\/ca\/7523862.0001.006\/--melancholy-as-an-aesthetic-emotion?rgn=main;view=fulltext\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/quod.lib.umich.edu\/c\/ca\/7523862.0001.006\/--melancholy-as-an-aesthetic-emotion?rgn=main;view=fulltext\">painters<\/a>, writers, musicians, and other artists <a href=\"https:\/\/quod.lib.umich.edu\/j\/jii\/4750978.0002.205\/--history-of-melancholy?rgn=main;view=fulltext\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/quod.lib.umich.edu\/j\/jii\/4750978.0002.205\/--history-of-melancholy?rgn=main;view=fulltext\">for centuries<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> The bittersweetness of my melancholy is woven into the very core of my being, my proclivity for contemplation creeping into every moment, be it shrouded in joy, anger, contentment, or mere boredom. Even the meaningless moments <em>feel <\/em>all too meaningful, overbearing even.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Most recently, I teared up watching a sunfish dutifully guard its nest at the local lake, awed by how such a benign creature could be so dedicated to protecting young it didn&#8217;t even have yet. I&#8217;m often moved to tears by nature, nostalgia, and things that aren&#8217;t necessarily happy but aren&#8217;t necessarily sad, either. And yet, I&#8217;m drawn to them. The complexities of life pull me in like a moth to a sad, blue flame.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Trying to connect with others about experiencing life this way, even close friends and family members, has only left me feeling misunderstood and isolated. I was dubbed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-am-i-so-sensitive\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-am-i-so-sensitive\/\">\u201coverly sensitive\u201d<\/a> and \u201ctoo emotional\u201d before I even knew what the words meant. And as an adult, those are labels I\u2019ve just come to believe about myself; I learned to chalk up my melancholy to a natural shortcoming, but a part of my identity nonetheless.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> It\u2019s why I feel like I&#8217;m always the last to be informed of bad news in my family&#8217;s game of telephone\u2014no one wants to break the news to me. It\u2019s also why I feel like my family views my younger sister as the problem-solver, the rational one\u2014whereas they see me as weaker, with my soul more cracked and fragile. Even during my most joyous celebrations\u2014birthdays, graduations, promotions, and other personal milestones\u2014my father will remind me, \u201cYou need to enjoy the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> How can I explain to him that I <em>am<\/em> enjoying the moment\u2014longing for it even\u2014acutely aware of the beauty and significance of it by its very passing?<\/p>\n<div class=\"block-medium font-serif py-5 w-full flex flex-col mt-[40px] md:mt-[56px] md-[24px] md:mb-[40px] justify-center items-center\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-image-quote\">\n<div class=\"flex flex-col w-full mx-auto justify-center ml:items-center\">\n<div class=\"ml:w-full gap-[18px] mb-[9px] flex flex-col ml:flex-row-reverse ml:-mx-[8px] xl:-mx-[9px]\">\n<div class=\"w-full ml:w-1\/2 text-center\">\n<div class=\"flex justify-center items-center h-full px-[23px] md:px-[73px] ml:px-[24px] py-[30px] min-h-[400px]\" style=\"background-color:#7bb5fe;color:var(--article-accent-color-2-text)\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col relative mx-0 mb-0 p-0 !mt-[30px]\"><p><span class=\"text-quote !text-[95px] absolute top-[-10px] ml:top-[-30px] left-0 right-0 mx-auto\">\u201c<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-center text-quote\">I like listening to music that makes me feel sad. I find solace and inspiration in the gloomiest days.<\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit text-center text-big italic opacity-60\"> <\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"w-full ml:w-1\/2\">\n<figure class=\"w-full h-full m-0 max-h-[600x]\">\n<div class=\"image-2021 overflow-hidden h-0 relative\" style=\"height: 100%\"> <picture><source data-srcset=\" https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_848x1062_true_75.webp 848w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_1018x1274_true_75.webp 1018w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_848x1062_true_75.webp 848w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_1018x1274_true_75.webp 1018w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_848x1062_true_75.webp 848w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset2_1018x1274_true_75.webp 1018w,\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\" (max-width:640px) 848px,  (max-width:768px) 848px,  848px\"\/><img class=\"image-2021__img block left-0 top-0 object-cover w-full !h-full min-h-full inset-0 lazy\" alt=\"\" fetchpriority=\"auto\" data-module-init=\"image-2021\" data-module-immediate=\"\" data-is-vue=\"\"\/> <\/picture> <\/div>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> It wasn&#8217;t until I read author and speaker<a href=\"https:\/\/susancain.net\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/susancain.net\/\"> Susan Cain&#8217;s<\/a> 2022 book,<a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBittersweet-Sorrow-Longing-Make-Whole%2Fdp%2F0593506057%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx9420-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3D1209275nikemindsfindingbeauty&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Bittersweet-Sorrow-Longing-Make-Whole\/dp\/0593506057\" data-type=\"affiliateLink\"> <em>Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>that I felt truly seen and understood. A melancholic manifesto of sorts, the book explores facets of the bittersweet, melancholic disposition: what it means to be &#8220;bittersweet,&#8221; the psychology behind such wistfulness, and why some of us are drawn to, and actually find joy in, the somber things in life.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Cain combines extensive journalistic research with her own penchant for poignancy, citing her love of Leonard Cohen\u2019s haunting \u201cfuneral music\u201d (a butt of jokes among her colleagues) as the catalyst for exploring why she is \u201cmelancholic by nature.\u201d Reading it confirmed that, like Cain, I am a bittersweet gal: I like listening to music that makes me feel sad. I find solace and inspiration in the gloomiest days. <em>Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind <\/em>is my go-to, on-in-the-background movie. There&#8217;s even a<a href=\"https:\/\/susancain.net\/bittersweet-quiz-intro\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/susancain.net\/bittersweet-quiz-intro\/\"> quiz<\/a> Cain created in conjunction with the book that rates your bittersweetness, and my score of 9.2 out of 10 certified me as a &#8220;connoisseur&#8221; for contemplation. But perhaps most notably, after reading the book, I finally saw my bittersweetness\u2014my lifelong melancholy \u2014portrayed as a positive.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"next-core\/paragraph core-heading text-h2 block-thin\" style=\"\"> A new purpose and meaning for my melancholy<\/h2>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Throughout <em>Bittersweet<\/em>, Cain asserts that <a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/how_sorrow_and_longing_enrich_your_life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/how_sorrow_and_longing_enrich_your_life\">mainstream culture has long written off the melancholy temperament<\/a> as a flaw rather than acknowledging its power, citing research indicating that those like me\u2014people who seek deeper meaning, long for the past and present, and feel life more intensely\u2014may also live more grateful, fulfilling lives. She breaks out the <a href=\"https:\/\/paw.princeton.edu\/article\/susan-cain-89-undiscovered-value-bittersweet-thinking\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/paw.princeton.edu\/article\/susan-cain-89-undiscovered-value-bittersweet-thinking\">benefits of being melancholy<\/a> or bittersweet into three main buckets (<a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/18832338\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/18832338\/\">creativity<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2017.02024\/full#\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2017.02024\/full#\">connection<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1037\/gpr0000102\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1037\/gpr0000102\">transcendence<\/a>) and argues that each makes the disposition not a shortcoming, but a superpower to behold.\u00a0<\/p>\n<div class=\"premium-article-quote block-thin flex flex-col relative justify-center text-center mt-[37px] mb-[30px]\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-quote\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col\">\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-quote\">&#8220;I&#8217;ve concluded that bittersweetness is not, as we tend to think, just a momentary feeling or event&#8230; It\u2019s an authentic and elevating response to the problem of being alive in a deeply flawed yet stubbornly beautiful world.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit block font-serif text-[19px] italic opacity-60\">Susan Cain, &#8220;Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole&#8221;<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> &#8220;I&#8217;ve concluded that bittersweetness is not, as we tend to think, just a momentary feeling or event. It\u2019s also a quiet force, a way of being, a storied tradition\u2014as dramatically overlooked as it is brimming with human potential,&#8221; Cain writes. &#8220;It\u2019s an authentic and elevating response to the problem of being alive in a deeply flawed yet stubbornly beautiful world.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Her words showed me that my somber temperament isn\u2019t an Achilles\u2019 heel, but a Herculean strength\u2014as both a person and a writer. &#8220;A lot of the best artists have had this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/creativity-mental-health\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/creativity-mental-health\/\">streak of melancholy that feeds them<\/a> because they&#8217;re so much more sensitive and receptive to all of the layers of the world around them,&#8221; says clinical psychologist<a href=\"https:\/\/drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\"> Carla Marie Manly<\/a>, PhD. &#8220;Once you learn to manage it rather than be overwhelmed by it&#8230; it can be honed and crafted into a real benefit.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> My own longing has always pushed me to consider my feelings, my connections, and my legacy more deeply, with a close eye on my own mortality. The niggling pain that life is fleeting and that nothing is guaranteed fuels what Cain calls the &#8220;creative offering,&#8221; which in my case, is writing.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> The trick to avoiding the pitfall of the \u201ctortured artist\u201d trope, though, is to not languish. \u201cWhen we find ourselves getting dark and stuck, we really just want to try to let the feeling pass through us,\u201d says Dr. Manly. \u201cNo matter our personality type, we want to learn to be in [our feelings], and then let them move through\u2026 That\u2019s how we avoid going down a rabbit hole [toward] sadness or depression.\u201d Still, there\u2019s beauty in the moments of stuckness, too\u2014the bouts of loneliness or hopelessness that inspire me to keep writing and creating, if only to avoid getting stuck again.<\/p>\n<div class=\"block-thin mt-[30px] mb-[40px]\">\n<div class=\"acf-video text-left relative\">\n<figure class=\"w-full h-full m-0\">\n<div class=\"image-2021 overflow-hidden h-0 relative !h-full\" style=\"padding-bottom: 54.957264957265%;\"> <picture><source data-srcset=\" https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1170x643_true_75.webp 1170w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1404x772_true_75.webp 1404w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1170x643_true_75.webp 1170w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1404x772_true_75.webp 1404w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1170x643_true_75.webp 1170w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_The-Quiet-Power-of-the-Bittersweetness_Premium-Article-Insets_inset1_1404x772_true_75.webp 1404w,\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\" (max-width:640px) 1170px,  (max-width:768px) 1170px,  1170px\"\/><img class=\"image-2021__img block left-0 top-0 object-cover w-full !h-full min-h-full inset-0 lazy !absolute\" alt=\"\" fetchpriority=\"auto\" data-module-init=\"image-2021\" data-module-immediate=\"\" data-is-vue=\"\"\/> <\/picture> <\/div><figcaption class=\"text-gray-light text-[13px] leading-[20px] text-center\"> <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Another poignant takeaway from Cain\u2019s book positions melancholy as a force for empathy. &#8220;If we could honor sadness a little more, maybe we could see it\u2014rather than enforced smiles and righteous outrage\u2014as the bridge we need to connect with each other,\u201d Cain writes. \u201cWe could remember that no matter how distasteful we might find someone\u2019s opinions, no matter how radiant, or fierce, someone may appear, they have suffered, or they will.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> I\u2019ve always felt highly attuned to other people&#8217;s emotions, but Harvard fellow and neuropsychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/drjuliadigangi.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drjuliadigangi.com\/\">Julia DiGangi, PhD<\/a>, adds that this sensitivity can go both ways. Embracing my true feelings\u2014bittersweet or otherwise\u2014can be \u201cemotionally magnetic\u201d to those in my orbit.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> \u201cWhat many of us want is a meaningful connection with other people,\u201d says DiGangi. \u201cWhen we are willing to authentically like what\u2019s beautiful about ourselves, we give people permission to like what\u2019s authentically beautiful about <em>themselves. <\/em>And when we say, \u2018Hey, it\u2019s okay to feel [a negative feeling]\u2014I feel this way, too,\u2019 it feels like this giant, empowering exhale.<em>\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"next-core\/paragraph core-heading text-h2 block-thin\" style=\"\"> The drawbacks of trying to dull my melancholy<\/h2>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Acknowledging and accepting all your feelings in this way (especially the melancholic ones) also comes with a totally underrated set of personal benefits, as described in Dr. Digangi\u2019s upcoming book, <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FEnergy-Rising-Neuroscience-Leading-Emotional%2Fdp%2F1647823455%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx9420-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3D1209275nikemindsfindingbeauty&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffinding-the-beauty-in-my-own-bittersweet%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Energy-Rising-Neuroscience-Leading-Emotional\/dp\/1647823455\" data-type=\"affiliateLink\"><em>Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading With Emotional Power<\/em><\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Whereas the popular discourse might position \u201chaving a lot of feelings\u201d as a deficit to productivity or potential, the thesis of Dr. DiGangi\u2019s new book posits just the opposite: that when we lean into our true feelings (which she says come from actual neurological impulses fired in our brains) rather than fighting them, we unleash the strongest, smartest versions of ourselves\u2014or what Dr. DiGangi calls our \u201cemotional power.\u201d Trying to deny these pieces of ourselves, by contrast, only leads to \u201cemotional constipation,\u201d she says: Our feelings get all built up with nowhere to go, left to fester in the form of stress, uncertainty, and defeat.<\/p>\n<div class=\"premium-article-quote block-thin flex flex-col relative justify-center text-center mt-[37px] mb-[30px]\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-quote\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col\">\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-quote\">&#8220;If we&#8217;re not allowing ourselves to go into our core emotions, we&#8217;re just denying ourselves our gifts.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit block font-serif text-[19px] italic opacity-60\">Carla Manly, PhD<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> It\u2019s only in embracing all the parts of you\u2014the good parts, the acceptable parts, the pretty parts, the weird parts, the confusing parts, and, yes, the melancholy parts\u2014that you can tap into your emotional power, says Dr. DiGangi. And that explains why I\u2019ve always felt, deep down, that I couldn\u2019t just turn off my melancholy. I\u2019ve realized that it\u2019s a key part of who I am, and to try to suppress it is far more draining than letting it course through me. \u201cIf we&#8217;re not allowing ourselves to go into our core emotions, we&#8217;re just denying ourselves our gifts,\u201d says Dr. Manly.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> As it turns out, reclaiming my melancholy as a wellspring for my creativity and empathy and a catalyst to do the things that fulfill me is way more empowering (and, quite frankly, less exhausting) than trying to bury it in stoicism. I feel things so deeply! And now I know that, for me, that\u2019s a good thing that shrouds the misty cloud that follows me in silver linings. While the cloud sometimes shadows me, I\u2019ll continue to lean into the happy and the sad\u2014or as Cain so eloquently puts it, the light and the dark, the bitter and the sweet. And I don\u2019t owe anyone an explanation\u2014much less a justification\u2014for my giant, tender heart.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>Citations<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>Well+Good articles reference scientific, reliable, recent, robust studies to back up the information we share. You can trust us along your wellness journey.<\/em><\/p>\n<ol class=\"core-list block-thin premium-list premium-list-ordered\">\n<li>Brady, Emily, and Arto Haapala. \u201cMelancholy as an Aesthetic Emotion.\u201d <em>Contemporary Aesthetics<\/em>, Michigan Publishing, University of Michigan Library, 1 Jan. 1970, quod.lib.umich.edu\/c\/ca\/7523862.0001.006\/&#8211;melancholy-as-an-aesthetic-emotion\/<\/li>\n<li>Zimmerman, Francis.\u00a0<em>The History of Melancholy<\/em>. 1 Jan. 1995,\u00a0quod.lib.umich.edu\/j\/jii\/4750978.0002.205\/&#8211;history-of-melancholy\/<\/li>\n<li>Cain, Susan.\u00a0<em>Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole.<\/em>\u00a0First edition. New York, Crown, 2022.<\/li>\n<li>Akinola, Modupe, and Wendy Berry Mendes. \u201cThe dark side of creativity: biological vulnerability and negative emotions lead to greater artistic creativity.\u201d\u00a0<em>Personality &amp; social psychology bulletin<\/em>\u00a0vol. 34,12 (2008): 1677-86. doi:10.1177\/0146167208323933<\/li>\n<li>Cao, Yuan, et al. \u201cLow Mood Leads to Increased Empathic Distress at Seeing Others\u2019 Pain.\u201d\u00a0<em>Frontiers in Psychology<\/em>, vol. 8, Frontiers Media, Nov. 2017,\u00a0https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2017.02024.<\/li>\n<li>Yaden, David B., et al. \u201cThe Varieties of Self-Transcendent Experience.\u201d\u00a0<em>Review of General Psychology<\/em>, vol. 21, no. 2, American Psychological Association, June 2017, pp. 143\u201360.\u00a0https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/gpr0000102.<\/li>\n<li>DiGangi, Julia. <em>Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading With Emotional Power<\/em>.<em> <\/em>First edition. Brighton, MA., Harvard Business Review, 2023. <\/li>\n<\/ol><\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on pinterest Share on email My misty cloud of melancholy has its silver linings.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve felt trailed by a hazy, gray cloud for nearly my entire 30 years on Earth. The cloud isn\u2019t raining, per se. Nor does it completely block the sun when it shines. It\u2019s just &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7896,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7895","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7895"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7895\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}