{"id":7891,"date":"2023-10-03T19:17:40","date_gmt":"2023-10-03T12:17:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7891"},"modified":"2023-10-03T19:17:40","modified_gmt":"2023-10-03T12:17:40","slug":"parents-of-kids-with-disabilities-struggle-with-mental-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7891","title":{"rendered":"Parents of Kids With Disabilities Struggle With Mental Health |"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<aside class=\"post-share hidden md:flex justify-center relative bg-transparent text-justify bottom-0 md:bottom-auto left-[20px] right-0 md:right-auto z-10\" data-module-init=\"post-share\">\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fparent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Facebook\" data-vars-info=\"\/parent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-facebook\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on facebook<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share?text=Parents%20of%20Kids%20With%20Disabilities%20Are%20in%20Mental%20Health%20Crisis%20via%20%40iamwellandgood&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fparent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Twitter\" data-vars-info=\"\/parent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-twitter\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on twitter<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/link\/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fparent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities%2F&amp;description=Parents%20of%20Kids%20With%20Disabilities%20Are%20in%20Mental%20Health%20Crisis&amp;media=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2023%2F09%2FWG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_full-bleed-620x215.png\" data-vars-event=\"Pinterest\" data-vars-info=\"\/parent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities\/\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-pinterest-p\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on pinterest<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n      <a class=\"post-share__button inline-block mx-[4px] py-[11px] text-center text-gray no-underline leading-4 border-0\" href=\"mailto:?subject=Parents%20of%20Kids%20With%20Disabilities%20Are%20in%20Mental%20Health%20Crisis&amp;body=Compared%20to%20parents%20of%20kids%20without%20disabilities%2C%20they%20face%20higher%20rates%20of%20depression%2C%20stress%2C%20and%20anxiety%E2%80%94and%20it%27s%20definitely%20not%20their%20children%27s%20fault.%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fparent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities%2F\" data-vars-event=\"Email\" data-vars-info=\"\/parent-mental-health-kids-with-disabilities\/\"><br \/>\n      <span class=\"text-sm sm:text-base icon-paper-plane\"\/><br \/>\n      <spann class=\"visually-hidden\">Share on email<\/spann><br \/>\n    <\/a><br \/>\n  <\/aside>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin premium-text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>Compared to parents of kids without disabilities, they face higher rates of depression, stress, and anxiety\u2014and it&#8217;s definitely not their children&#8217;s fault.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> In 2020, Emmaline Yates was pregnant with her third child when her 2-year-old son began to experience intense meltdowns while also losing his ability to babble. Like countless other parents worldwide, She was struggling to navigate life amid the COVID-19 pandemic while caring for young children at home, but this morphed her high stress level into panic.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> &#8220;He was developing typically until age 2,&#8221; Yates recalls. &#8220;But I remember looking at him, holding his face, and being like,\u00a0<em>Where are you going?<\/em>&#8221; As an occupational therapist, Yates knew that\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4592318\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4592318\/\">losing speech and avoiding eye contact can be signs of autism<\/a>\u2014and that evaluation is crucial for identifying and addressing developmental delays. Yet when she raised concerns with the family pediatrician, the doctor advised her to wait and see how things panned out.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\">&#8220;We didn&#8217;t know he was autistic back then,&#8221; Yates says. &#8220;My mental health overall was terrible at the time, and I was very anxious and weepy.&#8221; Already prone to anxiety and depression, Yates refers to that time as one of the most traumatic periods of her life. In 2022, a developmental pediatrician confirmed that her son is autistic; he&#8217;s been in intensive therapies for the past year.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Today, Yates sees a therapist. Her mental health is in a better place than it was during the nadir of the pandemic, but she says she still exists in a state of perpetual overwhelm, loneliness, and worry\u2014often anxiety-spiraling over whether her son will ever be able to speak or live independently. Yates&#8217;s specific situation is unique to her family, but as\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1177\/1053451217712956\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1177\/1053451217712956\">study<\/a>\u00a0after\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/journals.lww.com\/jped\/Fulltext\/2019\/37030\/Stress_mediated_quality_of_life_outcomes_in.4.aspx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/journals.lww.com\/jped\/Fulltext\/2019\/37030\/Stress_mediated_quality_of_life_outcomes_in.4.aspx\">study<\/a>\u00a0after\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8391692\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8391692\/\">study<\/a>\u00a0shows, high levels of stress and mental health strain are incredibly common among parents of kids who have disabilities.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"next-core\/paragraph core-heading text-h2 block-thin\" style=\"\"> A quiet crisis<\/h2>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Talk to any parent whose child has a disability, developmental condition or delay, neurodivergence, or other unique needs, and you will find that these things are true: They love their children with an inextinguishable fierceness, they&#8217;re locked in a constant struggle to secure services for their children that would help them thrive, and they often feel isolated and forgotten.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> All of this can negatively affect a parent\u2019s mental health in both the short- and long-term. &#8220;Based on my clinical experience, isolation, anxiety, depression, and burnout are common mental health issues faced by parents of kids [with disabilities],&#8221; says\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/opendoorstherapy.com\/dr_tasha_oswald_phd\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/opendoorstherapy.com\/dr_tasha_oswald_phd\/\">Tasha Oswald, PhD<\/a>, a psychologist and the founder and director of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/opendoorstherapy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/opendoorstherapy.com\/\">Open Doors Therapy<\/a>, a neurodiversity-affirming counseling group. She points to the &#8220;greater responsibilities&#8221; of parents whose children will not usually meet milestones on typical timelines, if ever: &#8220;The kids will need more help from their parents along the way. In addition, there are fewer relevant parenting resources and [more] misinformation. So, your job is harder and you\u2019re given fewer resources. And on top of it, you likely don\u2019t have a community who gets it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<div class=\"premium-article-quote block-thin flex flex-col relative justify-center text-center mt-[37px] mb-[30px]\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-quote\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col\">\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-quote\">&#8220;Based on my clinical experience, isolation, anxiety, depression, and burnout are common mental health issues faced by parents of kids [with disabilities].&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit block font-serif text-[19px] italic opacity-60\">Tasha Oswald, PhD<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Dr. Oswald says that, out of love, many parents put their child&#8217;s needs before their own. &#8220;Parents of kids [with disabilities] may not give themselves enough credit or grace\u2014and they commonly pressure themselves to be \u2018better,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cThey try hard, but then beat themselves up and feel ashamed that they\u2019re not doing better. They can get stuck in this shame cycle: They might not seek help due to shame, literal exhaustion, or fear that no one really gets it.&#8221; And that creates even more need for help, which the parent is even less likely to seek.<\/p>\n<div class=\"min-h-[400px] my-[40px] md:my-[72px] py-5 w-full flex flex-col justify-center\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-media-grid\">\n<div class=\"block-wide\">\n<div class=\"flex flex-col ml:flex-row justify-center ml:gap-[34px] xl:gap-[53px]\">\n<div class=\"mb-[16px] md:mb-[40px] w-full flex flex-col gap-[17px] md:gap-[30px] lg:gap-[38px] xl:gap-[66px]\">\n<figure class=\"flex flex-col w-full h-auto m-0 max-h-[600x]\">\n<div class=\"image-2021 overflow-hidden h-0 relative\" style=\"height: 100%\"> <picture><source data-srcset=\" https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1104x756_true_75.webp 1104w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1325x907_true_75.webp 1325w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1104x756_true_75.webp 1104w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1325x907_true_75.webp 1325w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1104x756_true_75.webp 1104w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset3_1325x907_true_75.webp 1325w,\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\" (max-width:640px) 1104px,  (max-width:768px) 1104px,  1104px\"\/><img class=\"image-2021__img block left-0 top-0 object-cover w-full !h-full min-h-full inset-0 lazy\" alt=\"\" fetchpriority=\"auto\" data-module-init=\"image-2021\" data-module-immediate=\"\" data-is-vue=\"\"\/> <\/picture> <\/div><figcaption class=\"text-gray-light text-[13px] leading-[20px]\"> <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col\">\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-quote\">Instead, the stress and burnout associated with parenting a child with disabilities comes as a result of navigating a complex and ever-evolving system of care. <\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit hidden md:block font-serif text-[19px] italic opacity-60\"> <\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<figure class=\"w-full h-full m-0 max-h-[600x]\">\n<div class=\"image-2021 overflow-hidden h-0 relative\" style=\"height: 100%\"> <picture><source data-srcset=\" https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_872x1276_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_1046x1531_true_75.webp 1046w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_872x1276_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_1046x1531_true_75.webp 1046w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_872x1276_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset4-1_1046x1531_true_75.webp 1046w,\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\" (max-width:640px) 872px,  (max-width:768px) 872px,  872px\"\/><img class=\"image-2021__img block left-0 top-0 object-cover w-full !h-full min-h-full inset-0 lazy\" alt=\"\" fetchpriority=\"auto\" data-module-init=\"image-2021\" data-module-immediate=\"\" data-is-vue=\"\"\/> <\/picture> <\/div><figcaption class=\"text-gray-light text-[13px] leading-[20px]\"> <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> &#8220;When I was in it really hard a couple years ago, my mental health was not even a blip on my radar,&#8221; says Samantha Kilgore, whose 13-year-old son, Junior, has an autism diagnosis and a provisional diagnosis of early-onset childhood schizophrenia. Five years ago, when her mental health was especially troubled, she was working a full-time job, regularly taking Junior to six specialty clinics, meeting with the local school to develop an individualized education plan (IEP), and going to multiple children&#8217;s therapy appointments each month. &#8220;You take time off of work to do those things, but you&#8217;d never take time off to go to therapy for yourself,&#8221; she says of her experience. &#8220;Because of the care that you have to provide for your child, your care absolutely takes\u2026 I&#8217;m not even gonna say it takes a back seat\u2014it&#8217;s not even in the same car.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"next-core\/paragraph core-heading text-h2 block-thin\" style=\"\"> Broken systems<\/h2>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> To be clear, children are not the cause of parents&#8217; mental health challenges. Instead, the stress and burnout associated with parenting a child with disabilities comes as a result of navigating a complex and ever-evolving system of care. It&#8217;s the expensive evaluations, the clinical visits, the endless mountains of paperwork, appointments to schedule and reschedule, phone calls to insurance companies, and\u2014more often than you might imagine\u2014legal battles to secure necessary services like medicine, equipment, and education. &#8220;There&#8217;s a lot of trauma that goes into parenting kids like ours,&#8221; says Kilgore. &#8220;But it&#8217;s not from dealing with our children&#8217;s challenges\u2014it&#8217;s from negotiating our child&#8217;s right to exist in a world that is not set up for them. The fact that we even have to negotiate is enraging.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.iaba.com\/children-and-adolescents\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.iaba.com\/children-and-adolescents\">Elizabeth Hughes, PhD, BCBA<\/a>, the executive clinical director at the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.iaba.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.iaba.com\/\">Institute for Applied Behavior Analysis<\/a>\u00a0in Orange, California, says that &#8220;trauma&#8221; is indeed the appropriate word to describe what parents of kids with disabilities must navigate bureaucratically and administratively. &#8220;I&#8217;ve had a parent say when they were initiating services with us, &#8216;Gosh, this is more documentation that I had to deal with when we bought our house.&#8217; And I think buying a house for most people, though wonderful, is very stressful. But when it&#8217;s over, it&#8217;s over.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> With securing services for children with disabilities, on the other hand, parents may need to visit multiple specialists (each requiring a copious paperwork), secure insurance preapprovals, and fill out informational surveys at least once a year to &#8220;prove&#8221; that their child requires certain services. &#8220;It&#8217;s really wearying to always be worried that your kid might not get what they need, because someone who doesn&#8217;t understand their needs is making a decision,&#8221; Dr. Hughes says.<\/p>\n<div class=\"premium-article-quote block-thin flex flex-col relative justify-center text-center mt-[37px] mb-[30px]\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-quote\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-wg-quote block-thin flex flex-col\">\n<p class=\"quote-quote text-quote\"> &#8220;It&#8217;s really wearying to always be worried that your kid might not get what they need, because someone who doesn&#8217;t understand their needs is making a decision.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p><cite class=\"quote-credit block font-serif text-[19px] italic opacity-60\">Elizabeth Hughes, PhD<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Take school, for instance. Neurodivergent students, along with those with learning disabilities and other disabilities, have a legal right to a free and appropriate public education. At least annually, parents and educators come together to create an individualized education plan (IEP) that, ideally, builds upon a child&#8217;s strengths and abilities. (Teenage students of a certain age\u2014which varies by state but is often between 14 and 16\u2014are invited, but not required, to attend their IEP meetings.) For parents who want to ensure appropriate accommodations for their kids, these meetings are high-stakes; securing the necessary support can be an uphill fight every time.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> &#8220;I get very anxious before IEP meetings,&#8221; says Erin Nenadich, whose 9-year-old daughter has dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). &#8220;Even now that she is in a private school that specializes in language-based learning disabilities, we still have to meet with the public school for her IEP and it&#8217;s always horrible.&#8221; Nenadich says that having private school as an option is a huge privilege, but it&#8217;s also a significant financial burden for the family. &#8220;I probably worry about money more than anything now.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Similarly, Jessica Miller*, whose daughter was born with hearing loss, points to red tape around access to care as being problematic. &#8220;My mental health issues are not stemming from her disability,&#8221; she says. &#8220;They&#8217;re from how we&#8217;re having to manage everything around it that the world presents to us, whether that&#8217;s education systems or trying to get supportive therapies or even going to the doctor for more hearing tests.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> For instance, accessing an IEP in the New York City school system should have been straightforward\u2014but it wasn&#8217;t. &#8220;I was running all over the city with my newborn, trying to breastfeed in different offices as we waited for different assessments to get the distinctions that we needed to move forward with a city IEP [for my older daughter],&#8221; she says. &#8220;It was so challenging to get those services, even though there was a very clear-cut physical disability with lots of documentation.&#8221; When Miller finally did secure access to services, they were largely based around her daughter&#8217;s limitations. &#8220;It was all within a very negative framework and, as parents, that&#8217;s really hard to hear. It certainly affected my mental health.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> For some parents, seeking support leads to one dead end after another\u2014so they uproot their lives in search of something better. After multiple cycles of her son&#8217;s hospitalization, and fed up from people in the community telling her that he just needed &#8220;spankings and Jesus,&#8221; Kilgore and her family moved from Missouri to Minnesota in 2021. &#8220;If you&#8217;re not in a community where your child can thrive,\u00a0<em>you<\/em>\u00a0are not going to thrive\u2014period,&#8221; Kilgore says.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> For her family, the move has been transformative. With a new care team, the right medication, and supports, like an inclusive summer camp and autism-focused charter school, Junior is &#8220;thriving,&#8221; Kilgore says. &#8220;Not just doing okay, not just surviving; this child wakes up and has 3,000 new things to tell me. He has connections. He has a life outside of Mom and Dad.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Now that her son is more stable and she&#8217;s no longer in a state of crisis parenting, Kilgore says she finally has time and energy to evaluate her own physical and mental health needs. &#8220;And they are\u00a0<em>many<\/em>,&#8221; she says. &#8220;I had zero idea about this five months ago\u2014that I was in a place that needed support and help.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> She&#8217;s been taking care of long-overdue mammograms, dental visits, and her state of mind. &#8220;I don&#8217;t even have the words to encompass how much better our lives are now versus two years ago. There are times when my face hurts from smiling so much because I&#8217;m not in this constant fight-or-flight pattern,&#8221; she says. &#8220;Everything involving my son was a battle, and now he is not just connected to these different supports, but he is a valued member of his community. We had to have a foundation of joy for him in order for me to even consider being happy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Miller and her husband also decided to move in search of stronger supports for their child. That drew them to Montgomery County, Maryland, which has a\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www2.montgomeryschoolsmd.org\/departments\/special-education\/programs-services\/dhoh\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www2.montgomeryschoolsmd.org\/departments\/special-education\/programs-services\/dhoh\/\">public deaf and hard of hearing pre-K program<\/a>\u00a0that emphasizes a child&#8217;s strengths instead of focusing on their limitations. &#8220;The support that we&#8217;ve received here has been 180 degrees different from that in New York,&#8221; Miller says. &#8220;All of the assessments are very positive and assets-focused. Even within areas for development, the phrasing is more like, &#8216;She&#8217;s working hard on these skills and we&#8217;re so confident that she&#8217;s going to get there.&#8217; That&#8217;s been a total change for us.&#8221; As Miller\u2019s daughter thrives, she herself does as well: &#8220;My mental health has changed for the better since we moved and have this dedicated program that&#8217;s so supportive and enthusiastic and celebratory of our daughter.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Miller and Kilgore acknowledge that simply having the option to move to a new place is a privilege. They&#8217;re sharing their stories in part, they say, to show what can be possible for kids\u2014and the parents who love them\u2014if the right supports are in place. Why, they wonder, can&#8217;t\u00a0<em>all<\/em>\u00a0kids and families have access to that?<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"next-core\/paragraph core-heading text-h2 block-thin\" style=\"\"> What can be done?<\/h2>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Well-meaning people often tell burned-out parents of kids with disabilities <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/self-care-new-parents\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/self-care-new-parents\/\">to prioritize self care<\/a>, but a spa day or therapy session can&#8217;t solve what&#8217;s inherently a societal and systemic problem. &#8220;I&#8217;ve taken advantage of therapy and medication, and I&#8217;ve gone to different support groups,&#8221; Miller says. &#8220;Those are all really important, but they&#8217;re also very individualized solutions. So I try to also keep in mind: At the same time, what can I be doing on a structural level? What does that look like?&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<div class=\"block-wide min-h-[400px] py-5 w-full flex flex-col justify-center items-center text-gray font-serif mt-[58px] mb-[40px]\" data-type=\"acf\/premium-article-media-text\">\n<div class=\"flex flex-col md:flex-row justify-center md:items-center w-full gap-[18px] md:gap-[37px] lg:gap-[48px] xl:gap-[54px]\">\n<figure class=\"w-full md:w-1\/2 m-0\">\n<div class=\"image-2021 overflow-hidden h-0 relative\" style=\"padding-bottom: 121.55963302752%;\"> <picture><source data-srcset=\" https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_872x1060_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_1046x1272_true_75.webp 1046w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_872x1060_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_1046x1272_true_75.webp 1046w, https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_872x1060_true_75.webp 872w,https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/WG_MindsIssue_Editorial_Parents-of-Kids-With-Special-Needs-Are-Burned-Out-With-Few-Resources_Premium-Article-Imagery_inset1-1_1046x1272_true_75.webp 1046w,\" srcset=\"\" sizes=\" (max-width:640px) 872px,  (max-width:768px) 872px,  872px\"\/><img class=\"image-2021__img block left-0 top-0 object-cover w-full !h-full min-h-full inset-0 lazy !absolute\" alt=\"\" fetchpriority=\"auto\" data-module-init=\"image-2021\" data-module-immediate=\"\" data-is-vue=\"\"\/> <\/picture> <\/div><figcaption class=\"text-left text-gray-light text-[13px] leading-[20px] mt-[10px]\"> <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"flex-1 w-full md:w-1\/2\">\n<h3 class=\"text-h3\"> <\/h3>\n<p class=\"text-big\"> Another important aspect of supporting parental mental health involves addressing the isolation so common among parents of disabled children. <\/p>\n<p>For her part, Miller has ambitions to serve on the PTA or school board, where she&#8217;ll advocate for programs that serve different populations of students with disabilities. &#8220;Special education programs really benefit [neurotypical] kids [and kids without disabilities], too, because they&#8217;re enabling them to come into contact with a diverse cohort of our kids. And accommodations are actually good for everybody and meaningful on a structural level.&#8221; <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Another important aspect of supporting parental mental health involves addressing the isolation so common among parents of disabled children. &#8220;Finding parent communities who deeply understand your situation can be validating and help you reconnect to your inner wisdom,&#8221; Dr. Oswald says. &#8220;Talking with others who don\u2019t get your parenting challenges and who give unsolicited advice or judge you can lead you to question your parenting and disconnect from your inner wisdom. Finding a supportive community can help you feel validated, appreciated, and inspired. Finding a community where you can express your worries and speak about those things that feel shameful can release you from the shame cycle.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> That&#8217;s proven true for Liesa Arlette, whose 8-year-old son has level 2 autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and central auditory processing disorder. She runs a monthly caregiver support group in the Los Angeles area. &#8220;What I hear from other parents is relief in seeing that other people &#8216;get it,'&#8221; Arlette says. &#8220;The amount of invisible labor that we do in managing our kids&#8217; schedules and getting people to empathize with our kids is work we&#8217;re doing all the time. And it is work that we don&#8217;t have to do with our parenting peers when we&#8217;re in a shared space together.&#8221; Crucially, Arlette says, the group is designed to be an easy, no-pressure, drop-in format\u2014making the group a source of support rather than a place asking more from stretched-too-thin parents.<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> And for people who can&#8217;t make it to IRL groups, there&#8217;s always Facebook. &#8220;I do not use Facebook for anything other than Groups,&#8221; Nenadich says. &#8220;The community of the groups definitely helps with the feelings of isolation. Not only do you hear other people&#8217;s stories\u2014and it can give you hope\u2014but you also have access to the collective resources of the group\u2026 It&#8217;s a group of people who know exactly what you&#8217;re going through.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> That doesn&#8217;t mean that people without disabilities should back away, though. For people who don&#8217;t have disabilities, actively fostering an attitude of inclusion is one of the best ways to help kids thrive while reducing parental feelings of isolation. (So if a child uses a wheelchair, for example, and you\u2019re planning a birthday party, check to ensure potential venues have easy accessibility.)\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Yates says that even when her family can&#8217;t make it to an event, it still helps to realize that someone wanted them there. Additionally, she says that to be inclusive, people should understand that her son may present unusual or challenging behaviors if he&#8217;s dysregulated\u2014and that&#8217;s just part of who he is. &#8220;My kid deserves to be everywhere your kid deserves to be, even if it&#8217;s hard for him to be there,&#8221; she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> All of the parents interviewed for this article said that, outside of systemic changes, they deeply wish people would work harder to &#8220;see&#8221; them and their children. &#8220;If you personally know people dealing with [disability], don&#8217;t be afraid to ask questions to learn more,&#8221; Nenadich says. It&#8217;s okay to be curious. If someone doesn&#8217;t want to talk about it, you&#8217;ll be able to tell pretty quickly. It helps us feel less alone when our friends understand.&#8221; (And don&#8217;t, she advises, say things like &#8220;I don&#8217;t know how you deal with it&#8221; or call a parent a hero\u2014it usually winds up othering them. &#8220;If you&#8217;re not sure what to say, a simple &#8216;That is a lot&#8217; will suffice,&#8221; she suggests.)<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> Just showing up with empathy can make a significant difference in combating feelings of isolation. &#8220;You might want to offer them advice in hopes of helping them, but listening without judgment can often be much more helpful than advice,&#8221; Oswald says. &#8220;You can help them feel seen and appreciated. That can go a long way toward helping them feel less isolated. And\u00a0<em>that<\/em>\u00a0can be healing.&#8221;\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>*Name has been changed<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>Citations<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"core-paragraph block-thin text-big\" style=\"\"> <em>Well+Good articles reference scientific, reliable, recent, robust studies to back up the information we share. You can trust us along your wellness journey.<\/em><\/p>\n<ol class=\"core-list block-thin premium-list premium-list-ordered\">\n<li><em>Thurm, Audrey et al. \u201cPatterns of skill attainment and loss in young children with autism.\u201d Development and psychopathology vol. 26,1 (2014): 203-14. doi:10.1017\/S0954579413000874<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>&#8220;Parental Stress in Families of Children With Disabilities.&#8221; Intervention in School and Clinic, 2017, <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/1053451217712956\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/1053451217712956\"><em>https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/1053451217712956<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Chakraborty, Bhaswati, et al. &#8220;Stress-mediated Quality of Life Outcomes in Parents of Disabled Children.&#8221; Journal of Indian Society of Pedodontics and Preventive Dentistry, 2019, https:\/\/doi.org\/DOI: 10.4103\/JISPPD.JISPPD_266_18.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Siracusano, Martina et al. \u201cParental Stress and Disability in Offspring: A Snapshot during the COVID-19 Pandemic.\u201d Brain sciences vol. 11,8 1040. 5 Aug. 2021, doi:10.3390\/brainsci11081040<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol><\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Share on facebook Share on twitter Share on pinterest Share on email Compared to parents of kids without disabilities, they face higher rates of depression, stress, and anxiety\u2014and it&#8217;s definitely not their children&#8217;s fault. In 2020, Emmaline Yates was pregnant with her third child when her 2-year-old son began to experience intense meltdowns while also &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7892,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7891"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7891\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7892"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}