{"id":7365,"date":"2023-09-13T01:15:10","date_gmt":"2023-09-12T18:15:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7365"},"modified":"2023-09-13T01:15:10","modified_gmt":"2023-09-12T18:15:10","slug":"am-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7365","title":{"rendered":"Am I Falling Out of Love or Just Comfortable?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"drop-cap text-big text-gray\"> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">M<\/span>arked by belly bubbles and cheek-to-cheek smiles, budding romance is among the most intoxicating of human experiences. So much so, in fact, that there\u2019s a dedicated term for the surge of emotions (and the resulting physiological response) that you might experience while crushing on a new partner: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/new-relationship-energy\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/new-relationship-energy\/\">new relationship energy<\/a>, or NRE. But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-comes-after-honeymoon-phase-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-comes-after-honeymoon-phase-relationship\/\">much like the honeymoon phase<\/a>, that feeling certainly won\u2019t last forever. And as it fades, it can cause some of that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/relationship-spark\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/relationship-spark\/\">relational spark<\/a> to disappear along with it\u2026 which could leave you wondering: Am I falling out of love, or just getting comfortable with my partner?<\/div>\n<p>Part of the reason why new relationship energy hits so strongly\u2014and why its absence can feel just as profound\u2014is because it\u2019s quite literally a chemical high. When you\u2019re first starting to date someone, there is often a rush of feel-good neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and oxytocin, released in the brain, says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.missgigiengle.com\/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.missgigiengle.com\/about\">Gigi Engle, ACS, CSE, CSC<\/a>, certified sex coach for dating app <a href=\"https:\/\/www.go3fun.co\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.go3fun.co\">3Fun<\/a> and author of <a href=\"https:\/\/missgigiengle.com\/all-the-fcking-mistakes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/missgigiengle.com\/all-the-fcking-mistakes\"><em>All The F*cking Mistakes<\/em><\/a>. NRE is the resulting feeling of \u201ceuphoria and tremendous excitement that many of us experience when we are [dating] a new partner,\u201d says relationship and polyamory educator <a href=\"https:\/\/www.multiamory.com\/emily-bio\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.multiamory.com\/emily-bio\">Emily Matlack<\/a>, co-host of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.multiamory.com\/podcast#gsc.tab=0\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.multiamory.com\/podcast#gsc.tab=0\"><em>Multiamory<\/em><\/a> podcast and co-author of <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FMultiamory-Essential-Tools-Modern-Relationships%2Fdp%2F1627783202%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx1168-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Fam-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3Dno-campaign&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fam-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Multiamory-Essential-Tools-Modern-Relationships\/dp\/1627783202\"><em>Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationship<\/em>s<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cNew relationship energy is the feeling of euphoria and tremendous excitement that many of us experience when we are [dating] a new partner.\u201d \u2014Emily Matlack, relationship and polyamory educator<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>But because NRE is not equivalent to love (even if it often precedes it within a relationship), its fade is also <em>not<\/em> the same thing as falling out of love, either. In fact, NRE eventually has to disappear in order for a relationship to evolve and for the people in it to move toward deeper emotions\u2014ones that aren\u2019t rooted in excitement and novelty so much as they are in intimacy, trust, comfort, and vulnerability.<\/p>\n<hr\/>\n<hr\/>\n<p>As bell hooks writes in <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FAll-About-Love-New-Visions%2Fdp%2F0060959479%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx1168-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Fam-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3Dno-campaign&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fam-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/All-About-Love-New-Visions\/dp\/0060959479\"><em>All About Love<\/em><\/a>, \u201clove is an act of will, both an intention and an action.\u201d Whereas, NRE is more or less a chemical experience outside of your control. And while NRE will eventually subside, you\u2019ll only fall out of love if you disengage with loving actions\u2014if you stop showing a partner care and affection, avoid spending quality time with them, or stop embracing compromise, whether because you\u2019ve determined you don\u2019t share the same goals or values, or are otherwise incompatible.<\/p>\n<h2>What it looks like when new relationship energy fades<\/h2>\n<p>No matter how happy, fulfilling, sexy, and joy-filled your relationship may be from the outset, NRE fizzling is as inevitable as paying taxes or getting a text from your ex (which is to say, totally inevitable). \u201cThe high-on-love sensation isn\u2019t sustainable, and eventually, you <em>will<\/em> settle back into your baseline of emotions,\u201d says Engle\u2014which, to be clear, is a good and healthy thing.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/am-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable\/\" current-title=\"Are You Falling Out of Love, or Has New Relationship Energy Just Faded?\" current-image=\"Lucas-Ottone.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-03-12\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/am-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/am-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/am-i-falling-out-of-love-or-just-comfortable\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>As Matlack puts it, \u201cwhile it can be great and fun to experience NRE for a time, it is also really nice to have those feelings fade so you can experience the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stages-of-a-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stages-of-a-relationship\/\">other stages in a relationship<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As NRE starts to disappear, you\u2019ll get the opportunity to learn just how multidimensional your partner may be. The transition is typically accompanied by people starting to see a partner\u2019s flaws after months of only seeing their potential, says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.polyphilia.blog\/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.polyphilia.blog\/about\">Leanne Yau<\/a>, creator of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/polyphiliablog\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/polyphiliablog\/\">Poly Philia<\/a>, a social media project dedicated to education and entertainment on polyamory and non-monogamy. That means, when NRE softens, you\u2019ll start to get information about your partner that you can use to determine whether you <em>actually<\/em> want to continue dating this person, she says (that is, when your perspective isn\u2019t clouded by the excitement of novelty).<\/p>\n<p>But, how long will NRE last, exactly? Typically, just a few weeks to a couple of months, according to sex educator and writer <a href=\"https:\/\/www.zacharyzane.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.zacharyzane.com\/\">Zachary Zane<\/a>, author of <a href=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/1edbff025f45297aee182a2e8f8a25814c28e762?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBoyslut-Memoir-Manifesto-Zachary-Zane%2Fdp%2F1419764713&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=5d8fcfd5407e6d7b%26tag%3Dwgtrx11027-20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/1edbff025f45297aee182a2e8f8a25814c28e762?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBoyslut-Memoir-Manifesto-Zachary-Zane%2Fdp%2F1419764713&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=5d8fcfd5407e6d7b%26tag%3Dwgtrx11027-20\"><em>Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto<\/em><\/a> and sex expert for dating app <a href=\"https:\/\/www.archerapp.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.archerapp.com\/\">Archer<\/a>. Though Engle notes that, in some relationships, it can last for years. The exact timeline depends on how often you\u2019re seeing each other, how much time has passed since you last experienced NRE, the other relationship(s) you may be co-experiencing, and more, she says.<\/p>\n<h2>How to tell whether you\u2019re falling out of love or just comfortable in a relationship<\/h2>\n<p>There is a huge difference between falling out of NRE with a person and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-out-of-love\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-out-of-love\/\">falling out of love<\/a> with a person. While the latter is likely to cause the relationship to end (at least on a romantic level), the former is a natural and normal progression of a relationship, says Engle, and can lead to a lot of comfort and joy.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, there is not a quick or easy formula you can use to say with total certainty whether you\u2019re falling out of love with someone, or are simply going through a phase (meaning, not lasting) of feeling apathetic or just comfortable within a relationship sans NRE, says Matlack.<\/p>\n<p>That means answering the question will require some self-reflection. To start, think about how you feel about making plans with your partner. \u201cIf you dread making date plans with your partner or doing so starts to feel like a chore, those are signs that you haven fallen out of love,\u201d says Zane. When NRE fades, you may start to spend less time with your partner, Matlack says, but most commonly, that\u2019s because you neglected other obligations and plans while wearing your NRE-colored glasses, and now, you\u2019re just picking those back up again\u2014and <em>not<\/em> because you\u2019ve stopped having interest in spending time with your partner (which would be more indicative of lost lost).<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cIf you feel genuinely happy or safe when you are with your partner, those are signs that while the NRE may have faded, you likely haven\u2019t fallen out of love.\u201d \u2014Matlack<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Next, think about how you feel about your partner when you\u2019re spending time together. \u201cIf you feel genuinely happy or safe when you are with your partner, those are signs that while the NRE may have faded, you likely haven\u2019t fallen out of love,\u201d says Matlack. Whereas, if you find yourself listing off a series of negative adjectives about your state of mind when you\u2019re with them, that\u2019s a symptom that you two are not acting in loving ways toward each other anymore, and it may be time to move on from the relationship, says Yau. \u201cIf you stop respecting them, stop seeing them as an equal, or feel contempt toward them when you\u2019re together or apart, those are also signs you\u2019ve fallen out of love,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>Typically, when NRE fades, you will start to have a better understanding of the person with whom you\u2019re cultivating a relationship, as opposed to only seeing (or assuming) positive attributes, says Yau. But while you may be noticing or becoming more aware of your partner&#8217;s not-so-great traits, if it\u2019s just a case of NRE fading, you\u2019ll still be able to notice (and gush over) your partner\u2019s positive traits, too.<\/p>\n<h2>You can end a relationship regardless of whether love or NRE is fading<\/h2>\n<p>It\u2019s worth clarifying that if you start feeling neutral about a partner for any reason, you have every right to end the relationship if you so choose, no matter how long you\u2019ve been with them. \u201cSometimes people will start to feel neutral toward a person for whom they once had an incredible amount of new relationship energy<em> or <\/em>love,\u201d says Yau. That\u2019s normal and okay\u2014and also, it may be time to end the relationship. Despite the popular misconception that relationships should only end when the people involved all but hate each other, it is reasonable to choose to end (or de-escalate) a relationship that just feels <em>meh<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA relationship doesn\u2019t have to be \u2018bad\u2019 or \u2018toxic\u2019 for it to be the wrong one for you,\u201d says Matlack. You may even retain love for your partner, and still choose to end the relationship because it ultimately isn\u2019t serving you. \u201cIf you and a partner\u2019s dynamic is marked by a lot of conflict and little resolution, you\u2019re hitting perpetual roadblocks, or you\u2019ve realized that you have fundamental differences in values, wants, or needs, then it may be time to move on from the relationship,\u201d says Matlack.<\/p>\n<h2>The takeaway<\/h2>\n<p>Regularly reflecting on how you feel toward a partner and the relationship you\u2019re building is a great way to date and love with intention. While observing changes in your feelings towards someone may be scary at first (\u201cOh no, has the honeymoon phase ended?\u201d) it\u2019s not always cause for concern.<\/p>\n<p>In the case of NRE fading, for example, it\u2019s common for those initial lusty emotions to give way to deeper, more sustainable ones in their stead, says Engle. Meanwhile, because love is built on a foundation of loving <em>actions, <\/em>if you find that you are starting to fall out of love with your partner (and it isn&#8217;t just a fizzling spark), then falling back <em>in <\/em>love may be as simple as actively choosing to act in caring, communicative, and affectionate ways toward them.<\/p>\n<p>If NRE is fading into something that\u2019s just less appealing to you, or you\u2019re no longer interested in co-creating love with your partner, that\u2019s okay, too, says Matlack. In fact, simply recognizing that both the options of remaining with this person and breaking up with them are equally available to you at any point in time may offer you valuable insights into what you\u2019d like to do\u2014and whether those feelings of loving connection may indeed still be percolating in the wake of NRE.<\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"outline-earmark relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[20px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marked by belly bubbles and cheek-to-cheek smiles, budding romance is among the most intoxicating of human experiences. So much so, in fact, that there\u2019s a dedicated term for the surge of emotions (and the resulting physiological response) that you might experience while crushing on a new partner: new relationship energy, or NRE. But much like &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7366,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7365","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7365","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7365"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7365\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7366"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}