{"id":7157,"date":"2023-09-04T21:35:30","date_gmt":"2023-09-04T14:35:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7157"},"modified":"2023-09-04T21:35:30","modified_gmt":"2023-09-04T14:35:30","slug":"what-to-know-about-future-faking-a-manipulative-dating-tactic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=7157","title":{"rendered":"What To Know About Future Faking, a Manipulative Dating Tactic"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"drop-cap text-big text-gray\"> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">W<\/span>hen you start seeing someone new, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stages-of-a-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stages-of-a-relationship\/\">butterflies and excitement<\/a> can feel especially intense; just call it &#8220;new relationship energy.&#8221; Pretty quickly thereafter, you may be able to envision a shared future full of early morning coffee runs, constant snuggles and partnership, or even building a family together. Sharing meaningful experiences and aligning on what you want is a key part of forming a healthy partnership\u2014but if the person you&#8217;re newly dating seems to have your entire future mapped out from the get-go, or makes grandiose plans or promises, it may not just be good planning and a strong sense of commitment at play.<\/div>\n<hr\/>\n<div class=\"experts-in-article noskim py-[24px] px-[40px]\">\n<p>Experts In This Article<\/p>\n<ul class=\"!ml-[18px]\">\n<li> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\">Carla Marie Manly, PhD<\/a>, clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author of <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Famzn.to%2F44jzZR6&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffuture-faking%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/44jzZR6\"><em>Date Smart<\/em><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Famzn.to%2F3POdkIg&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffuture-faking%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3POdkIg\"><em>Joy From Fear<\/em><\/a>, and <em><a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Famzn.to%2F44EO1fR&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffuture-faking%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/44EO1fR\">Aging Joyfully<\/a> <\/em> <\/li>\n<li> <a href=\"https:\/\/drkerwin.com\/about\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drkerwin.com\/about\">Lauren Kerwin, PhD<\/a>, clinical psychologist <\/li>\n<li> <a href=\"https:\/\/drsabrinaromanoff.com\/about\/\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drsabrinaromanoff.com\/about\/\">Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD<\/a>, licensed clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University <\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n<hr\/>\n<p>Some people employ a harmful <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-manipulating-you\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-manipulating-you\/\">manipulation tactic<\/a> while dating to get what they want <em>now<\/em>: future faking, or spinning future plans and commitments with which they have no intention of following through. The hallmark of future faking is that these plans won\u2019t happen, and the person coming up with them never intended to see them realized in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSomeone may talk about long-term commitments, future vacations, or even marriage and kids very early in a relationship,\u201d says clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/drkerwin.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drkerwin.com\/\">Lauren Kerwin, PhD<\/a>. Emotional intensity isn\u2019t the same as actual emotional depth, though, so if you notice it, it can be a sign that something isn\u2019t entirely <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/healthy-early-relationship-behavior\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/healthy-early-relationship-behavior\/\">healthy early relationship behavior<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/future-faking\/\" current-title=\"Are They Genuinely Excited About Your Shared Future, or Are They Future Faking? How To Spot the Manipulative Dating Tactic\" current-image=\"GettyImagesFutureFaking-1-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-03-04\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/future-faking\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/future-faking\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/future-faking\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>What this does is build the relationship up on a false premise. The person on the receiving end is fed what they want to hear, but it\u2019s not based in truth. For example, someone could promise to become your monogamous partner down the line so that you have sex with them. While there\u2019s nothing wrong with sex that doesn&#8217;t lead to monogamous partnership, if you&#8217;re being told that sex will, in fact, spawn a monogamous commitment by a person who has no intentions of such, then you&#8217;re being deceived. You don\u2019t have all the information necessary to opt in wholeheartedly, and you might change your tune if you knew they were lying about committing.<\/p>\n<p>By a similar token, future faking could also result in making some big financial moves that you wouldn\u2019t have made otherwise. \u201cBy having the illusion of a future together, the victim may rush into physical intimacy or financially invest in their partner much quicker than they would organically like taking trips together, meeting their family, or getting married,\u201d says clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/drsabrinaromanoff.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drsabrinaromanoff.com\/about\/\">Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>Why someone may engage in future faking in a relationship<\/h2>\n<p>Future faking is a deceptive and unkind behavior, which puts it in the realm of tactics narcissists could use to draw someone in, but it can also be practiced by not very adept or considerate daters. Narcissism exists on a spectrum (with those diagnosed with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/narcissistic-personality-disorder\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20366662\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/narcissistic-personality-disorder\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20366662\">narcissistic personality disorder<\/a> at the extreme end), so anyone may display a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/narcissism-vs-narcissistic-tendencies\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/narcissism-vs-narcissistic-tendencies\/\">narcissistic tendency<\/a> or two, like lying, as they date. Someone with less nefarious intentions could just be not sure of what exactly they want. Regardless, they aren\u2019t being considerate of how this comes off.<\/p>\n<p>However, a key part of future faking is deception. According to clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/drcarlamanly.com\/about\/\">Carla Marie Manly, PhD<\/a>, author of <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FJoy-Fear-Carla-Marie-Manly%2Fdp%2F1641701218%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx11612-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Ffuture-faking%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3Dno-campaign&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffuture-faking%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Joy-Fear-Carla-Marie-Manly\/dp\/1641701218\"><em>Joy from Fear<\/em><\/a>, talking about future plans and having them fall through isn\u2019t the same as future faking. \u201cIt\u2019s okay for someone to say, \u2018I really hope for you to meet my family this summer,\u2019 but we really want to be saying <em>if<\/em> it works out, rather than \u2018I will\u2019 or \u2018I promise,\u2019\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n<p>What makes this manipulative is deliberate lying about the future to extract something in the present from someone else. That\u2019s not only unkind dating behavior; it\u2019s calculating and cruel. Future faking can also be part of a larger manipulation or abuse scheme, where it\u2019s used to draw the victim in and create a seemingly loving bond to place them in a vulnerable position. This dynamic puts one person\u2019s need above the other\u2019s, which doesn&#8217;t reflect an equitable partnership.<\/p>\n<p>Future faking could also be one way to create emotional dependency, or shirk responsibility from any broken promises they\u2019re making right now. Maybe this person regularly ditches your plans, but makes grandiose promises to take you on a lavish vacation to smooth things over.<\/p>\n<p>In effect, this doesn\u2019t really benefit the person doing the future faking in the longer term, either. \u201cThe diabolical side of future faking is that not only are you affecting at least one other person, but you\u2019re lying to yourself and teaching your brain to tell stories and to not be responsible and to not have integrity,\u201d says Dr. Manly.<\/p>\n<h2>How to identify if someone you\u2019re dating is future faking<\/h2>\n<p>It can be difficult to initially tell whether someone you meet is capable of future faking because the infatuation stage is common, but Dr. Manly says there are indeed some behaviors to be on the lookout for.<\/p>\n<p>First, consider whether their actions and words align. For example, if they say they want to be more serious with you, are they demonstrating that in their communication with you? If they tell you they want to see you again, are they fitting you into their schedule and making time to deepen your connection? If there\u2019s a mismatch, that could be a clue that this person isn\u2019t entirely genuine.<\/p>\n<p>Being clear about your own boundaries and what you consider to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/red-flags-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/red-flags-relationship\/\">relationship red flags<\/a> can be clarifying and help you decide what to do here, too. It\u2019s a good general practice to nail down what behaviors you will and won\u2019t tolerate from a potential partner, so having these on hand can serve as a useful gut check for what&#8217;s happening.<\/p>\n<p>It can be tiring to always be on the lookout for wrongdoing, so Dr. Manly recommends journaling to keep track of how your relationships are going. Write down instances that give you pause, and reference those entries later to find behavioral patterns that point to dishonesty. \u201cSomething subtle could happen, or you have a wonderful weekend away and you forget about the red flags if you don\u2019t have your history written down to remember and corroborate those details,\u201d she says. It doesn\u2019t have to be that detailed\u2014just enough to keep a personal record.<\/p>\n<h2>What to do if you find out someone is future faking you<\/h2>\n<p>If you suspect someone you\u2019re seeing isn\u2019t being completely honest with you about their level of investment in your shared future, a respectful, clear conversation can shed some light. Dr. Manly advises saying something like, \u2018I noticed this pattern where you make promises [that you don\u2019t keep], and now I\u2019ve noticed three events where this happened and that\u2019s a dealbreaker for me.\u2019<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;If you notice your partner is trying to rush things&#8230;make sure to set your standards in the relationship and go at a pace you are comfortable with.&#8221;\u2014Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, clinical psychologist<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Spacing out your dates to give this person time to follow through on their plans is another measure to see if they\u2019re sincere. \u201cIf you notice your partner is trying to rush things or talk you into taking next steps that you\u2019re not ready for, make sure to set your standards in the relationship and go at a pace you are comfortable with,\u201d adds Dr. Romanoff. This could look like saying something like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m a little uncomfortable with how fast we\u2019re moving\u2014can we slow down and just enjoy right now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If they react poorly or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-deal-with-gaslighting\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-deal-with-gaslighting\/\">gaslight<\/a> you about it, that can be helpful information to have, too. (Dr. Manly cautions that people who are regular manipulators can be good at sidestepping these conversations, so don\u2019t stop until you have a satisfying answer.)<\/p>\n<p>If what you\u2019re hearing raises your alarms, redirecting them could be helpful, too. \u201cIf they are constantly promising things to you in the moment and you\u2019re feeling uncomfortable you could change the conversation or ask them to hold off on these promises and ideas if you don\u2019t feel ready for them yet,\u201d says Dr. Romanoff. Then, you can judge their followthrough.<\/p>\n<p>Ultimately, you get to decide whether it feels like this person is being truthful. If they\u2019re making you uncomfortable or wary about the pace at which the relationship is moving and pressuring you to accelerate your timeline or change <em>your<\/em> plans for the future, take whatever space is necessary to get clarity and figure out how to proceed. That may mean cutting them loose. Remember that you\u2019re the one in charge of your future, and you deserve honesty from any potential partners to inform what it involves.<\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"outline-earmark relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[20px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you start seeing someone new, the butterflies and excitement can feel especially intense; just call it &#8220;new relationship energy.&#8221; Pretty quickly thereafter, you may be able to envision a shared future full of early morning coffee runs, constant snuggles and partnership, or even building a family together. Sharing meaningful experiences and aligning on what &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7158,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7157"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7157\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}