{"id":6954,"date":"2023-08-29T06:10:54","date_gmt":"2023-08-28T23:10:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6954"},"modified":"2023-08-29T06:10:54","modified_gmt":"2023-08-28T23:10:54","slug":"why-communication-skills-dont-always-fix-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6954","title":{"rendered":"Why Communication Skills Don&#8217;t Always Fix Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mindbodygreen-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/c_crop,x_0,y_30,w_1500,h_843\/c_fill,w_700,h_400,g_auto,q_85,fl_lossy,f_jpg\/org\/tujue8a4kk9ydajhm.jpg\" \/><\/p>\n<div>\n<p>On a trip to Mexico a few years ago, I was walking from one building to another when I saw a creature off in the distance that looked like a horse. Curious but unbothered, I continued my approach. As I got closer though, I realized I was actually about 20 feet away from a very large cougar.<\/p>\n<p>The cougar looked directly at me, and I looked at the cougar. My mind went blank, and my body began to move on its own. Without thought I began to slowly, quietly step backwards toward a nearby building. Only once I safely closed the door behind me did I start shaking and fully registering what had just happened.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>This is exactly what happens when we\u2019re in the red zone. Your partner comes to you with a question or concern\u2014\u201cDid you forget to pick up the groceries?\u201d or \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me my sister called and wanted me to call her back right away?\u201d\u2014and suddenly, to your brain, they\u2019re the cougar.<\/p>\n<p>Our neurobiological reaction to perceived threats (physical or psychological) is to enter a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/fight-flight-freeze-fawn-trauma-responses\">state of fight or flight<\/a>. Our heart rate spikes, our muscles tighten, and our focus narrows. That narrowed focus is the critical piece here: As the cougar approaches, I don\u2019t wonder why the cougar is there. I don\u2019t register if it appears to be young or old, perceive the beauty of its fur coat, or consider whether it\u2019s actually likely to attack me. I am not thinking at all. I am fully in fight-or-flight.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>While this response helped our ancestors escape real physical dangers, in today\u2019s world it can make it hard to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/conflict-resolution\">navigate stressful conversations<\/a> with anything other than lashing out or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/truths-about-defensive-behavior\">defensiveness<\/a>. Our ability to see the big picture <em>and<\/em> the details vanish when we\u2019re in this state, as do any of those non-native communication techniques we read about on the internet that one time.<\/p>\n<p>Think of the human brain as being divided into different parts. There\u2019s the modern, more developed part of the brain that\u2019s able to handle complex ideas and emotions, perceive nuance, and process new information within the broader context. Then there\u2019s the older part of the brain, which is sometimes referred to as reptilian. When this more primitive part of the brain takes over, all inputs boil down to one question: <em>Are you going to eat me, or am I going to eat you?<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>There is no creativity. There is no <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/empathy-vs-compassion-difference-and-why-they-both-matter\">empathy<\/a>. There is no problem-solving. There is only fighting, or escape.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the red zone.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On a trip to Mexico a few years ago, I was walking from one building to another when I saw a creature off in the distance that looked like a horse. Curious but unbothered, I continued my approach. As I got closer though, I realized I was actually about 20 feet away from a very &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[144,161],"class_list":["post-6954","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-dating","tag-marriage"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6954","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6954"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6954\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6954"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6954"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6954"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}