{"id":6886,"date":"2023-08-26T06:30:11","date_gmt":"2023-08-25T23:30:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6886"},"modified":"2023-08-26T06:30:11","modified_gmt":"2023-08-25T23:30:11","slug":"this-sneaky-factor-makes-trauma-bonding-way-worse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6886","title":{"rendered":"This Sneaky Factor Makes Trauma Bonding Way Worse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/mindbodygreen-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/c_crop,x_0,y_0,w_1700,h_954\/c_fill,w_700,h_400,g_auto,q_85,fl_lossy,f_jpg\/org\/ckjhc22i1kqspsxsj.jpg\" \/><\/p>\n<div>\n<p>Contrary to what everyone says, time does not heal. It does not make things better. Sometimes, time makes things worse.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>If you feed your body primarily junk food and sodas over time, for instance, the damage compounds. So, expose yourself to an abuser who is abusing you more and more frequently, and the pattern stands.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>In a toxic relationship,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.perpetuaneo.com\/gaslighting-narcissist-drama\/\"> the abuser plays three roles in what we call the<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.perpetuaneo.com\/gaslighting-narcissist-drama\/\"><em> drama triangle<\/em><\/a>. They can be the<em> &#8220;<\/em>savior&#8221;<em> <\/em>to whom you should be grateful to for saving you or helping you become a better person; the &#8220;persecutor&#8221; who blames you and points out all the things you\u2019re doing wrong; and the &#8220;victim&#8221; who\u2019s going through a very hard time.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>You may respond to what the victim is saying, like showing them empathy and kindness, only to suddenly be met by the callous persecutor who cuts you with their hurtful comments. It is a confusing time, making the eggshells you already tread feel even more precarious. And in this way, your trauma bond also deepens as you side with them to explain away why they act this way\u2014at the expense of hurting yourself\u2014whilst you blame yourself even more.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>You spend a lot of time engaging in what I call<a href=\"https:\/\/www.perpetuaneo.com\/cognitive-photoshop-anxiety\/\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.perpetuaneo.com\/cognitive-photoshop-anxiety\/\"><em>Cognitive Photoshop<\/em><\/a>\u2014applying all sorts of mental filters to the situation to make meaning out of it. Such as, \u201cWe weathered a new crisis together, we will come out even stronger,&#8221; or, \u201cAt least he doesn\u2019t beat me,\u201d or, \u201cAt least he apologizes sometimes.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>More sophisticated abusers also know the art of the con, hooking you in with accountability. They tell you they really want to get better but sometimes their old demons (an addiction, their past relationship histories) get the better of them. So could you please help keep them accountable even if they might find it hard to change? And even though every change is piecemeal, transient, and they will regress\u2014and you will pay for it dearly\u2014you think it\u2019s your job to help them, or love them better so they heal.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The more we invest, the harder it is to walk away. As Annie Duke, champion poker player and author of the book<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Quit-Power-Knowing-When-Walk-ebook\/dp\/B09PTLY4BL\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20\" rel=\"nofollow\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Quit-Power-Knowing-When-Walk-ebook\/dp\/B09PTLY4BL\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>Quit<\/em><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Quit-Power-Knowing-When-Walk-ebook\/dp\/B09PTLY4BL\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20\" rel=\"nofollow\"> <\/a>writes, both behavioral experiments and real-life situations show that human beings are terrible at knowing when to cut their losses.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>At the end of the day, after multiple rounds of increased abuse and the subsequent intensification of your trauma bond, you are exhausted.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>You may have run away because you felt unsafe, but it was unplanned, so you went back again. And every time you go back, it feels like you\u2019re just doomed to be there. (The stats show that the average abused woman leaves seven times, during one of which times she may be killed).\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>You may have called the police and realized that the system is rigged against you. It\u2019s dismissed as a domestic, a private situation, a hysterical woman.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Or you realize you have few resources left inside or around you. You\u2019ve alienated your friends because he\u2019s slowly primed you to isolate yourself, or they\u2019re just so sick of listening to your latest ideas on how to help him. And you\u2019re so afraid of all the other people who judge you.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>And chances are, he\u2019s had a smear campaign against you for a long time, so everyone thinks you are the loose cannon who\u2019s indebted to him. You\u2019re the lucky one to have him.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t know where to start\u2014and the trauma bond is quietly working in the background so you stay alive.<\/p>\n<p>But &#8220;alive&#8221; simply means you&#8217;re functioning, your heart is beating, maybe you\u2019re going to work or taking care of the kids. &#8220;Alive&#8221; doesn\u2019t mean you have any quality of life left.\u00a0You are an <em>empty shell<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Contrary to what everyone says, time does not heal. It does not make things better. Sometimes, time makes things worse.\u00a0 If you feed your body primarily junk food and sodas over time, for instance, the damage compounds. So, expose yourself to an abuser who is abusing you more and more frequently, and the pattern stands.\u00a0 &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[210,144,219,161,175,241],"class_list":["post-6886","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-breakup","tag-dating","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-toxic-relationships","tag-trauma"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.10 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Contrary to what everyone says, time does not heal. It does not make things better. Sometimes, time makes things worse. If you feed your body primarily junk food and sodas over time, for instance, the damage compounds. So, expose yourself to an abuser who is abusing you more and more frequently, and the pattern stands. 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