{"id":6884,"date":"2023-08-26T04:18:08","date_gmt":"2023-08-25T21:18:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6884"},"modified":"2023-08-26T04:18:08","modified_gmt":"2023-08-25T21:18:08","slug":"groundhogging-in-dating-how-to-break-the-cycle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6884","title":{"rendered":"&#8216;Groundhogging&#8217; in Dating: How To Break the Cycle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">Y<\/span>ou meet someone new, and they seem to check all of your boxes for the ideal partner. The chemistry is electric, conversations flow effortlessly, and you can&#8217;t help but envision a future with them. But before long, things take a turn and the would-be relationship ends\u2014just as it did the last time and the time before that. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of dating the same type of person only to repeatedly have the same negative outcome, you may be groundhogging.<\/p>\n<p>A reference to the 1993 rom-com <em>Groundhog Day<\/em>, in which weatherman Phil (Bill Murray) lives the same day over and over again until he changes his ways and falls in love with his colleague Rita (Andie MacDowell), groundhogging in dating involves the same kind of fruitless repetition.<\/p>\n<hr\/>\n<hr\/>\n<p>While the tendency to continually date the same kind of person may spring from good intentions\u2014like a feeling of comfort or a desire to go after a specific \u201ctype\u201d that you think is right for you\u2014dating experts say it can seriously hinder your chances at finding genuine love.<\/p>\n<h2>Wait, what exactly is \u201cgroundhogging\u201d in dating?<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cGroundhogging is a trend in which people keep dating the same kind of person over and over while expecting different results,\u201d says relationship coach and dating expert <a href=\"https:\/\/www.susantrotterphd.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.susantrotterphd.com\/\">Susan Trotter, PhD<\/a>. Each time a relationship ends for whatever reason, the person will \u201cgroundhog\u201d to another similar person and date them, only for that relationship to inevitably end soon, too.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cGroundhogging is a trend in which people keep dating the same kind of person over and over while expecting different results.\u201d \u2014Susan Trotter, PhD, relationship coach<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Perhaps it isn\u2019t working out each time because the type of person you\u2019re repeatedly dating embodies toxic qualities\u2014maybe they\u2019re all <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/narcissistic-abuse-in-relationships\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/narcissistic-abuse-in-relationships\/\">narcissists<\/a> with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/love-bomb\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/love-bomb\/\">flair for love-bombing<\/a>\u2014or they\u2019re just straight-up <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/partner-becomes-emotionally-unavailable\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/partner-becomes-emotionally-unavailable\/\">emotionally unavailable<\/a>, and it\u2019s the desire to \u201cfix\u201d them (or get them to fall in love with you) that leads you to keep seeking them out.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/groundhogging\/\" current-title=\"\u2018Groundhogging\u2019 Is When You Keep Dating the Same Type of Person, Again and Again\u2014Here\u2019s Why It Happens\" current-image=\"WG_Editorial_Groundhogging_Feature-1-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-02-25\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/groundhogging\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/groundhogging\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/groundhogging\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Or maybe the type of person in question just fits a particular image you\u2019ve constructed in your head; in other words, they wouldn\u2019t be problematic for everyone, but they just aren\u2019t right for <em>you, <\/em>whether because they\u2019re too similar or too different, or for some other reason. And by focusing only on this one kind of person (say, confident lawyers or funny actors), you\u2019re missing out on the people who don\u2019t fit your preconceived notion of the ideal partner, but who actually have <em>more <\/em>of the qualities that would make them compatible with you long-term.<\/p>\n<p>In any case, someone who is groundhogging does not learn from the experience and make changes to the way that they date; rather, they repeat the cycle, even though it never works out with their chosen type. According to psychotherapist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.molliespiesmanlcsw.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.molliespiesmanlcsw.com\/\">Mollie Spiesman, LCSW,<\/a> people often turn to groundhogging as a comfort mechanism. You know exactly what you\u2019re getting yourself into, which is comfortable\u2014but each time, you convince yourself that it will turn out differently.<\/p>\n<h2>What are the key signs of groundhogging?<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cThe biggest sign that you\u2019re groundhogging in dating may be the outcomes,\u201d says Dr. Trotter. No matter what you do, you keep finding yourself in the same kind of relationship, and it doesn\u2019t work out. Perhaps all your relationships end the same way, too, whether <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-deal-with-a-sudden-breakup\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-deal-with-a-sudden-breakup\/\">suddenly and abruptly<\/a>, or by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/relationship-fizzling-out\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/relationship-fizzling-out\/\">fizzling out<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Trotter also says to keep an eye out for the following signs of groundhogging:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You feel like your recent relationships have all progressed in similar ways<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019re very rigid and selective about whom you date but to little success<\/li>\n<li>You aren\u2019t <em>at all<\/em> selective about whom you date and wind up with the same types of people who pursue you<\/li>\n<li>Your past partners remind you of one another<\/li>\n<li>You rush into relationship after relationship with your usual type<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Why do people repeatedly date the same type of person if it never works out?<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cThe majority of people believe that they have a certain \u2018type,\u2019 and it can be hard to shift from that,\u201d says Dr. Trotter. We are all creatures of habit. We crave routine and familiarity, even in situations where it might be better to think outside the box or challenge ourselves to try something new. \u201cFamiliarity is comfortable even when uncomfortable,\u201d says Dr. Trotter.<\/p>\n<p>Indeed, Spiesman finds that her clients sometimes make choices rooted in comfort, even when they don\u2019t actually serve them. For instance, some people might choose partners who are controlling or domineering, thinking it&#8217;s love. Others might keep picking partners who can&#8217;t commit, perhaps because of the allure of a challenge. \u201cThey might think, \u2018Oh I&#8217;ll try again\u2014this time will be different,\u2019 however, time and experience likely prove that is not the case,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>In certain scenarios, the nature of someone\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/adult-attachment-styles\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/adult-attachment-styles\/\">attachment style<\/a> (that is, their way of navigating interpersonal relationships developed through childhood interactions) can play a role in their tendency to groundhog with a particular type. For example, people with an anxious attachment style may frequently find themselves <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/anxious-avoidant-dating-trap\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/anxious-avoidant-dating-trap\/\">drawn to partners with an avoidant attachment style<\/a>\u2014who then exacerbate or reinforce the anxiety they feel by thwarting intimacy.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cWhen people don\u2019t take the time to reflect on their relationship history&#8230;they are more likely to stick with that familiar feeling and repeat patterns without even realizing it.\u201d \u2014Dr. Trotter<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>In still other cases, people might be so eager to find a partner that they don\u2019t even know they\u2019re groundhogging. \u201cWhen people don\u2019t take the time to reflect on their relationship history\u2014for example, considering what worked and what didn\u2019t work in the past, what they really want and need now, what part they played in past dynamics\u2014they are more likely to stick with that familiar feeling and subsequently repeat patterns without even realizing it,\u201d says Dr. Trotter.<\/p>\n<p>Both the desire for familiarity and the fear of the unknown can act as powerful forces that keep people stuck in the groundhogging cycle, she adds.<\/p>\n<h2>How to break free from the groundhogging trap<\/h2>\n<p>As with any pattern of behavior you&#8217;re trying to stop, \u201cthe first step is recognition,\u201d says Dr. Trotter. If you identify that you may be groundhogging, it\u2019s important to acknowledge that you may need to make some big changes in the way you date, she says.<\/p>\n<p>In particular, Dr. Trotter suggests taking time to review your relationship history, while paying attention to the patterns inherent in your dating experiences. For instance, if you note that you\u2019ve often dated emotionally unavailable people, you might do some thinking about why you\u2019re choosing people whom you <em>know<\/em> can\u2019t give you the closeness you need or want, suggests Spiesman, and aim to reacquaint yourself with your own feelings and values.<\/p>\n<p>In a similar vein, Dr. Trotter suggests giving some thought to what you think your \u2018type\u2019 is and why. In so doing, you might discover that there isn\u2019t any solid reason why you can\u2019t broaden your scope a bit, and you\u2019ve just been choosing the same kinds of people largely out of instinct or convenience.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cCreate a life that is full and joyful and then look for people whom you can invite in to enhance it.\u201d \u2014Molly Spiesman, LCSW, psychotherapist<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Spiesman also recommends taking time to practice self-love, process past relationship issues, and surround yourself with loved ones who know your worth and value as a means to increase your confidence. \u201cCreate a life that is full and joyful and then look for people whom you can invite in to enhance it,\u201d she says. \u201cDoing so allows you to be more intentional in the dating process, rather than settling or choosing people just to fill the void.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re dating, aim to strike a balance between being selective when it comes to finding someone who shares your values and also being flexible, so that you don\u2019t write off potential matches who happen to fall outside of your typical type. Specifically, be an observer and be engaged at the same time: Notice the pull toward those who are familiar (and not necessarily best for you), and then pause and challenge yourself to move in a different direction.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Trotter also advises seeking guidance from a dating coach or relationship therapist to help facilitate these changes. Having a professional in your corner who can help you identify unsupportive patterns and pivot accordingly could be just what you need to keep from falling down the rabbit (er, groundhog) hole of repetitive dating.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You meet someone new, and they seem to check all of your boxes for the ideal partner. The chemistry is electric, conversations flow effortlessly, and you can&#8217;t help but envision a future with them. But before long, things take a turn and the would-be relationship ends\u2014just as it did the last time and the time &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6885,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6884","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6884","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6884"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6884\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}