{"id":6113,"date":"2023-07-30T06:19:48","date_gmt":"2023-07-29T23:19:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6113"},"modified":"2023-07-30T06:19:48","modified_gmt":"2023-07-29T23:19:48","slug":"how-to-tell-if-youre-being-condescending","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=6113","title":{"rendered":"How To Tell if You&#8217;re Being Condescending"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">B<\/span>eing your friends&#8217; go-to for advice can be a source of pride. It feels good to help people you care about and to feel like someone wants your opinion and guidance. But sometimes your input isn&#8217;t welcome and it&#8217;s not your place to give it; what may seem like sage counsel to you may come across as condescension to others. So how to tell if you&#8217;re being condescending?<\/p>\n<p>Well, first, what exactly does it mean to be condescending? It boils down to conveying that you\u2019re above the other person in some way. In other words: \u201cThe way you see the situation is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/patronizing-phrases-at-work\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/patronizing-phrases-at-work\/\">better and wiser<\/a> than the person going through the situation,\u201d explains therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/embracingjoy.com\/meet-melissa\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/embracingjoy.com\/meet-melissa\/\">Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>It can also make someone feel like you\u2019re the expert in their life and feelings, instead of them, says therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/thriveworks.com\/therapist\/co\/kara-kays\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/thriveworks.com\/therapist\/co\/kara-kays\">Kara Kays, LMFT<\/a>, regional clinic director at <a href=\"https:\/\/thriveworks.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/thriveworks.com\/\">Thriveworks<\/a>. &#8220;The general reaction is that they feel misunderstood when somebody&#8217;s being condescending; they feel like they&#8217;re not present with their own solutions any longer.&#8221; Sometimes it can be difficult to tell how what you&#8217;re saying is being received, but below are some telltale clues that you&#8217;re potentially crossing over into unwanted territory.<\/p>\n<h2>4 ways to tell if you&#8217;re being condescending<\/h2>\n<h3>1. They&#8217;re not listening to you<\/h3>\n<p>When someone is already not listening to you when you&#8217;re dispensing advice, it&#8217;s a sign you could be being condescending. Someone who is receptive to what you&#8217;re saying will actively listen and engage; when someone is taking in what you&#8217;re saying with interest, Divaris Thompson says that looks like maintaining eye contact and nodding in agreement. &#8220;If they&#8217;re looking away and if they seem checked out or uninterested, chances are if they&#8217;re not really listening,&#8221; she says.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-youre-being-condescending\/\" current-title=\"4 Signs That You\u2019re Being Condescending and It\u2019s Time To Reel in the Advice\" current-image=\"GettyImagesCondescending-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-01-29\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-youre-being-condescending\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-youre-being-condescending\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-tell-youre-being-condescending\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<h3>2. The person you&#8217;re speaking to is getting emotional<\/h3>\n<p>One sign you&#8217;re being condescending is when the person you&#8217;re speaking to is getting amped up\u2014this means whatever you&#8217;re saying is animating them. This could manifest as different emotions for each person, but the hallmark is that the conversation has taken a turn away from just a chat into something more because the person is feeling upset or judged. &#8220;Lots of people respond with either sadness, anger, or fear in that situation, fear of the judgment, anger that this person that they&#8217;re confiding to isn&#8217;t getting it or can&#8217;t see it their way, and then just sadness,&#8221; says Kays.<\/p>\n<h3>3. They&#8217;re disputing what you&#8217;re saying<\/h3>\n<p>Another clue that&#8217;s helpful in how to tell if you&#8217;re being condescending is when the person on the receiving end of your advice feels like they have to defend themself by disputing your claims or starting to argue. This is a defensive posture, says Divaris Thompson, and we only do it when we feel threatened\u2014in this case, your advice is not welcome, and they don&#8217;t agree with whatever conclusion you&#8217;ve drawn about them.<\/p>\n<h3>4. They shut down<\/h3>\n<p>When you\u2019re at the point of monologuing, and the person you\u2019re speaking with isn\u2019t responding, that\u2019s an indication they\u2019re not receptive to what you\u2019re saying. &#8220;If you&#8217;re going on, and on, and on, that&#8217;s another sign of being condescending,&#8221; says Divaris Thompson.<\/p>\n<h2>How to give advice without being condescending<\/h2>\n<p>All this doesn&#8217;t mean you should bite your tongue. One good personal check before dispensing tips is to consider whether this person would want your advice in the first place; consider whether this person would seek out your advice on their own before giving it out, says Divaris Thompson. It&#8217;s possible to advise your friends and loved ones without tipping into condescension, and a key component of that is being crystal clear about what the person you&#8217;re speaking with wants from you.<\/p>\n<p>One way to do this is by asking whomever you&#8217;re speaking to whether they want to vent or if they want advice. Divaris Thompson has a phrase she uses with her own clients that she recommends people use to gauge where the conversation is heading: &#8220;Do you want me to listen, or do you need advice?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>If it&#8217;s the latter, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-give-emotional-support-listen\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-give-emotional-support-listen\/\">be curious and take in what they&#8217;re saying<\/a> rather than leading the conversation. &#8220;If they&#8217;re asking for your advice, they&#8217;re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-does-mean-vulnerable\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-does-mean-vulnerable\/\">obviously vulnerable<\/a> enough to reach out for support, so ask how you can be encouraging versus belittling or insulting or shutting them down.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Before you offer any guidance, think about how it may be perceived\u2014will it be seen as a helpful observation, or hurtful and nitpicky? Taking these few moments to pause and reflect on what you plan to say can help you put yourself in the other person&#8217;s shoes and ensure you&#8217;re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-take-advice-you-give\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-take-advice-you-give\/\">offering the type of advice you&#8217;d want to take<\/a> in return.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being your friends&#8217; go-to for advice can be a source of pride. It feels good to help people you care about and to feel like someone wants your opinion and guidance. But sometimes your input isn&#8217;t welcome and it&#8217;s not your place to give it; what may seem like sage counsel to you may come &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6113"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6113\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}