{"id":5895,"date":"2023-07-23T04:14:43","date_gmt":"2023-07-22T21:14:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5895"},"modified":"2023-07-23T04:14:43","modified_gmt":"2023-07-22T21:14:43","slug":"how-to-respond-when-youre-not-okay","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5895","title":{"rendered":"How To Respond When You&#8217;re Not Okay"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHow are you?\u201d is perhaps one of the most common questions people ask each other. Often, the default response is \u201cgood\u201d or some variation of that, even when they\u2019re not doing that well. There are many possible reasons for this. For starters, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/thecognitivecorner\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/thecognitivecorner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Simone Saunders<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, RSW, a trauma therapist and founder of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thecognitivecorner.ca\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/thecognitivecorner.ca\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Cognitive Corner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, says people rarely answer the question honestly because it\u2019s typically used as a pleasantry rather than an actual inquiry into someone\u2019s well-being. She adds that it\u2019s also challenging to decide how to respond when you&#8217;re not okay\u00a0genuinely when you\u2019re unsure how your answer will be received or if it\u2019s appropriate for the scenario. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, clinical psychologist<\/span> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drtracyd\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drtracyd\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tracy Dalgleish<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, PhD, says we are socialized from a young age to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness and we should keep our feelings to ourselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>The benefits of expressing how you really feel<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it may seem terrifyingly vulnerable to share how you\u2019re really doing, expressing that you\u2019re struggling with something to other people comes with many benefits, according to mental health experts. One benefit is that talking about what you\u2019re going through helps to understand and process your feelings, Saunders says. Dr. Dalgleish adds that bottling up and minimizing our emotions contributes to stress, burnout, depression, and anxiety. \u201cI use the analogy of a boiling pot of water,\u201d she says. \u201cYou need to take the lid off to let out the steam over time. Otherwise, the pot boils off. When we hold how we are actually doing inside, we are more likely to struggle.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-respond-when-youre-not-okay\/\" current-title=\"What To Say To Someone Who Asks if You\u2019re Okay When You\u2019re Not Okay\" current-image=\"IMG_2023-7-21-094343.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-01-22\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-respond-when-youre-not-okay\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-respond-when-youre-not-okay\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-respond-when-youre-not-okay\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Saunders says sharing can also help <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-be-intimate-without-sex\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-be-intimate-without-sex\/\">build emotional intimacy in our relationships<\/a>, helping us build a strong support system. Sharing with others is also a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/co-regulation-techniques\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/co-regulation-techniques\/\">form of co-regulation<\/a>. \u201cThese disclosures and opening up of our internal experiences can help to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/regulate-your-nervous-system\/#:~:text=First%2C%20breathe%20in%20deeply%2C%20so,physical%20like%20stretching%20or%20burpees.\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/regulate-your-nervous-system\/#:~:text=First%2C%20breathe%20in%20deeply%2C%20so,physical%20like%20stretching%20or%20burpees.\">regulate the nervous system<\/a>,\u201d Dr. Dalgleish says. In other words, we feel soothed and calmed when we connect with others. She cautions that this applies to sharing and being vulnerable with someone, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-stop-emotional-dumping\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-stop-emotional-dumping\/\">not dumping or venting on others<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>How to respond when you\u2019re not okay<\/h2>\n<h3>Reflect on what you need from the conversation<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So how exactly should we respond when someone asks how we\u2019re doing if we\u2019re not doing so great? It depends on two things: why you\u2019re sharing and who you\u2019re sharing it with. Saunders recommends first asking yourself what you\u2019re looking to get out of the share\u2014maybe it\u2019s support, a listening ear, or you just need to express your feelings. \u201cThat will help you gauge the level of vulnerability that you may want to express,\u201d she says.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, if you just need someone to listen, Dr. Dalgleish suggests starting the conversation with, &#8220;I want to share something, but I just need a listening ear.\u201d On the other hand, if you\u2019d like support with navigating a challenge, she suggests something like, &#8220;I&#8217;m struggling with X, and I really need some solutions.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Determine if it\u2019s safe to share with the person<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s also important that the person you\u2019re sharing your feelings with is trustworthy, empathetic, and provides a safe space, Dr. Dalgleish says. Consider how they\u2019ve responded to your vulnerability in the past and how they made you feel. For example, Dr. Dalgleish says if the person has criticized you or dismissed your feelings before, then maybe it\u2019s best not to share with them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Saunders also notes there are varying levels of vulnerability depending on who you\u2019re talking with and the level of emotional intimacy in the relationship. \u201cTo an acquaintance or someone to whom you\u2019re not close with, a version of the truth may feel more comfortable than a deep dive,\u201d she says. \u201cWhereas a close friend or family member may receive a greater degree of vulnerability.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For instance, Saunders says you may respond to an acquaintance with something like: \u201cI\u2019ve had better days\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m feeling tired.\u201d Or, if you\u2019re in a professional environment and would like to respond authentically but still keep it light, you can do so with responses like: \u201cThis week has felt pretty hectic, so I\u2019m looking forward to the weekend\u201d or \u201cThe weather kind of puts me in a bit of a funk.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whereas with someone you have a close relationship with and feel safe sharing, Saunders suggests responses like: \u201cI\u2019m really struggling with X\u201d or \u201cMy stress has been keeping me awake for the last few nights.\u201d Or, if you\u2019d like to dive deeper, she says, try something like: \u201cI\u2019m glad you asked\u2026 I\u2019m not doing that well; do you have a moment today when we can talk more about this?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regardless of who you\u2019re sharing with, Saunders says the above responses allow for the conversation to go deeper if both parties feel open to do so while also allowing the vulnerability to stop there if needed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>Remember, you\u2019re not the only one struggling<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you still find it challenging to share, Dr. Dalgleish reminds us that everyone struggles, so you\u2019re not the only one going through something. Bringing compassion to our struggles and sharing our true selves is part of our healing journey, she adds. Reminding yourself of this may help you be more open to sharing.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>And practice makes it easier to be vulnerable<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From a practical sense, Saunders says moving toward more authentic responses can feel less daunting if you try experimenting with different people and responses. \u201cChoose days\/places\/people that you want to be more honest with and test out how it feels,\u201d she says. \u201cYou can reflect on the questions: Did my vulnerability match the level of safety in that relationship? How did I feel after sharing?\u201d With these tips and scripts in mind and a hefty dose of practice, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-be-vulnerable\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-be-vulnerable\/\">being vulnerable<\/a> can become easier over time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cHow are you?\u201d is perhaps one of the most common questions people ask each other. Often, the default response is \u201cgood\u201d or some variation of that, even when they\u2019re not doing that well. There are many possible reasons for this. For starters, Simone Saunders, RSW, a trauma therapist and founder of The Cognitive Corner, says &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5896,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5895","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5895"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5895\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}