{"id":5300,"date":"2023-07-04T02:52:59","date_gmt":"2023-07-03T19:52:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5300"},"modified":"2023-07-04T02:52:59","modified_gmt":"2023-07-03T19:52:59","slug":"how-to-spice-up-your-sex-life-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5300","title":{"rendered":"How To Spice Up Your Sex Life in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"drop-cap text-big text-gray\"> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">F<\/span>or years, studies have shown that <a href=\"https:\/\/mashable.com\/article\/why-are-we-having-less-sex\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/mashable.com\/article\/why-are-we-having-less-sex\">Americans are having less sex<\/a>, whether <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/insight-therapy\/202006\/why-so-many-young-people-are-having-no-sex\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/insight-therapy\/202006\/why-so-many-young-people-are-having-no-sex\">they\u2019re teens<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.scientificamerican.com\/article\/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.scientificamerican.com\/article\/people-have-been-having-less-sex-whether-theyre-teenagers-or-40-somethings\/\">in midlife<\/a>. While researchers posit several different reasons for that\u2014the lasting social effects of a pandemic that encouraged isolation, and more reliance on our devices over human connection, to name just two\u2014I\u2019d wager to say that for plenty of people in monogamous relationships, the idea of sex may just feel unexciting or uninspiring. As a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lialoveavellino.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.lialoveavellino.com\">modern love therapist<\/a>, one of the most common requests I get from people in long-term monogamous relationships is for support in learning how to spice up their relationship, and specifically, their sex lives within it.<\/div>\n<p>While people who are interested in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/non-monogamous-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/non-monogamous-relationship\/\">exploring non-monogamy<\/a> may be able to rev up their sex lives through the novelty of additional partners, those in a monogamous relationship (who aren\u2019t interested in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-is-open-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-is-open-relationship\/\">opening it up<\/a>) may find that the extreme familiarity they have with their partner can become a breeding ground for boring sex. And boring sex likely isn\u2019t pleasurable or satisfying sex, either\u2014which can just make the people involved less likely to seek it out in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>According to relationship expert <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-resolve-long-term-relationship-conflict\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-resolve-long-term-relationship-conflict\/\">Esther Perel<\/a>, it\u2019s common for couples to experience <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ierRipP-7JA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ierRipP-7JA\">dissonance as they negotiate between their values and their desires<\/a>; on the one hand, they might <em>value<\/em> closeness and intimacy, but on the other hand, they might <em>desire<\/em> wildness, mystery, and intrigue.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Desire dies at the hands of routine and familiarity because, by nature, it thrives off the unknown.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Desire dies at the hands of routine and familiarity because, by nature, it thrives off the unknown. In order to feel desire, defined as hunger and craving, you have to want something you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> currently have. And yet, to build an intimate and sustainable relationship, you need to have a person in your life (and in your bed) about whom you know a great deal.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-spice-up-your-relationship\/\" current-title=\"7 Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life in a Monogamous Relationship\u2014Because, Yes, Familiarity Can Breed Boredom\" current-image=\"Hiraman-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2023-01-03\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-spice-up-your-relationship\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-spice-up-your-relationship\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-spice-up-your-relationship\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Still, it\u2019s certainly possible to infuse a long-term monogamous relationship with some excitement if you avoid falling into the trap of monotony. Below, find seven easy tactics for how to spice up your relationship and crank the volume on your sex life, even if it\u2019s the same partner every time.<\/p>\n<h2>How to spice up your relationship and take the monotony out of monogamy<\/h2>\n<h3>1. Approach everyday interactions with your partner more mindfully<\/h3>\n<p>Research shows that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0022103110002118\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0022103110002118\">we listen to those we love the <em>least closely<\/em><\/a> because we believe we can predict what they are going to say. When we get used to something or someone, we tend to tune out, rather than tune in. Take, for example, brushing your teeth; do you really pay attention while you\u2019re doing it?<\/p>\n<p>In much the same way, you might realize that you tend to ask your partner how their day was without really listening to the answer, or automatically assume the same sex position or choose to have sex after dinner or with the lights out every time you have it. While there is nothing wrong with any of these practices, in theory, they all present opportunities to numb out rather than really feel\u2014which is necessary to experiencing pleasure.<\/p>\n<p>Choosing to tune into these interactions with a partner rather than allowing them to become passive programming can help you to feel more present and thus more satisfied in your relationship (and in bed).<\/p>\n<h3>2. Consider how your sexual desires have evolved since you started dating your partner<\/h3>\n<p>In all relationships, we develop patterns of interactions or ways of being together that become familiar. We often forget that when we commit to a person, we aren\u2019t committing to being the <em>same<\/em> with that person forever. As our circumstances change\u2014we age, have new experiences, grow, experience loss\u2014our needs change, too.<\/p>\n<p>The fact that we transform is not the problem; it\u2019s that many times, we don\u2019t reorient ourselves to our new needs, and therefore don\u2019t alert our partner of these changing needs, either. What you liked when you first met your partner may be very different now, and yet you might still be relying on old patterns of interaction that no longer fit.<\/p>\n<p>Human sexuality expert and sex educator <a href=\"https:\/\/www.emilynagoski.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.emilynagoski.com\/\">Emily Nagoski, PhD<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2023\/05\/23\/1177708977\/dear-life-kit-im-happily-married-but-hate-our-sex-life-should-i-ask-for-a-divorc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2023\/05\/23\/1177708977\/dear-life-kit-im-happily-married-but-hate-our-sex-life-should-i-ask-for-a-divorc\">recommends asking yourself<\/a>: \u201cWhat is it that I want when I want sex?\u201d and \u201cWhat is it that I like when I like sex?\u201d I recommend adding in questions like: \u201cWhat prevents me from feeling good in my body?\u201d and \u201cWhat enables me to feel good in my body?\u201d Then, ask your partner the same questions.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>It\u2019s important to normalize that desires shift over time, just like our appetites for food.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Don\u2019t be afraid to get detailed in your investigation. It\u2019s important to normalize that desires shift over time, just like our appetites for food, and that consistent inquiry into what you and your partner like will be necessary throughout your relationship to keep sex, well, sexy.<\/p>\n<h3>3. Get to know your non-sexual pleasures<\/h3>\n<p>If you find that you struggle to answer the questions about sexual desire above, it may be because pleasure isn\u2019t something you feel comfortable owning or experiencing\u2014and probably for very good reason. Your body might not have always felt safe in scenarios where pleasure was involved, or you may have been taught to prioritize what others want from you versus what you want. After all, we live in a world where many bodies are under attack and in a culture that has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/history-of-women-and-pleasure\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/history-of-women-and-pleasure\/\">long privileged men\u2019s pleasure over women\u2019s<\/a> (hello, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-cant-i-orgasm\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-cant-i-orgasm\/\">orgasm gap<\/a>).<\/p>\n<p>All of the above could mean you need some personal space to heal your relationship to pleasure. From an emotional perspective, when we are unable to feel pleasure, it\u2019s not because we can\u2019t access it; it\u2019s because our bodies are protecting us from feeling anything at all so as to shield us from pain.<\/p>\n<p>Before approaching more pleasurable sex, it might be helpful to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/tips-finding-pleasure\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/tips-finding-pleasure\/\">explore what feels good, what you like, and what you want <em>outside<\/em> of sex<\/a>, and report back to your partner. <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FSensual-Self-Prompts-Practices-Getting%2Fdp%2F059323328X%3Ftag%3Dwgtrx892-20%26asc_refurl%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Fhow-to-spice-up-your-relationship%252F%26asc_source%3Ddirect%26asc_campaign%3Dno-campaign&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fhow-to-spice-up-your-relationship%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Sensual-Self-Prompts-Practices-Getting\/dp\/059323328X\"><em>Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices for Getting in Touch with Your Body<\/em><\/a>, by <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FEvYan-Whitney%2Fe%2FB09886PHFQ%2Fref%3Ddp_byline_cont_book_1%3Ftag%3Dwellandgood19-20&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fhow-to-spice-up-your-relationship%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/EvYan-Whitney\/e\/B09886PHFQ\/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1\">Ev&#8217;Yan Whitney<\/a>, provides accessible journal prompts to get you started on your pleasure journey.<\/p>\n<h3>4. Create a transitional pre-sex practice for when the day&#8217;s obligations are done<\/h3>\n<p>One of the common complaints I hear is that people aren\u2019t \u201cin the mood\u201d or are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/too-tired-sex\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/too-tired-sex\/\">\u201ctoo exhausted\u201d at the end of the day for sex<\/a> and deep connection. I do not doubt the truth of these statements; there are so many demands on our time and energy at this cultural moment.<\/p>\n<p>But what may also be contributing to these feelings is the fact that, when we\u2019re overwhelmed, the part of our brain that can connect is not readily available to us. If we attempt to go from a busy workday, an evening workout, or preparing dinner to pressing \u201cgo\u201d on sexual connection, we are setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, create a transitional practice that enables your body to enter a window where connection feels possible. If you typically run anxious, ask yourself, \u201cWhat sounds, sights, tastes, textures, and\/or scents <em>soothe<\/em> me?\u201d and see how you can incorporate one or more of these sensory items into a pre-sex ritual. Or, if you tend to feel low on energy or fatigued when the time for sex rolls around, do the same thing for the sensations or sensory items that typically energize you.<\/p>\n<p>Integrating, for example, a few songs, movements, or fragrances that bring you back home to your body might give you just what you need to be able to shift into a connection space with your partner and make sex feel more exciting.<\/p>\n<h3>5. Get curious about your sex life<\/h3>\n<p>When we experience dissatisfaction in our sex life, we typically create a problem-focused narrative. It might sound something like, \u201cMy partner is lazy,\u201d or \u201cWe aren\u2019t compatible anymore.\u201d The issue with this type of story is that it prevents further investigation. And it\u2019s often just a strategy for avoiding feeling hurt, jealousy, or anger while steering clear of what\u2019s really happening below the surface.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, get curious about what\u2019s happening or what\u2019s changed in the dynamic with your partner. For example, instead of saying, \u201cMy partner doesn\u2019t have energy for sex,\u201d ask yourself, \u201cWhat might be taking up all his energy?\u201d Or, instead of saying, \u201cI just don\u2019t find sex pleasurable with my partner anymore,\u201d ask yourself, \u201cWhat has shifted for me when it comes to sex, and what may have shifted for her?\u201d These open-ended questions offer up new pathways for connection, rather than shutting them down.<\/p>\n<h3>6. Discuss the sensitive or tough stuff<\/h3>\n<p>Sometimes, a boring or unsexy sex life is actually covering up disconnection in a relationship, which never feels good. Because our brains like to focus on what is familiar and predictable, many of us avoid asking questions about things that we fear, or to which the answers could vary widely. But when we aren\u2019t talking about what\u2019s really coming up for us, silence or physical disengagement accrues around these tough topics and creates thick layers of distance between us. And sex tends to fall away (or become less satisfying) in the resulting chasm.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>When we aren\u2019t talking about what\u2019s really coming up for us, silence or physical disengagement accrues around these tough topics and creates thick layers of distance between us.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Ask yourself: What are you wondering about your partner, but are afraid to know the answer to? Some ideas are: \u201cWhat sexual fantasies do you have that exist outside of us, and how would you want to share them with me?\u201d, \u201cWhat do you wish were different about our relationship?\u201d, \u201cWhat do you feel insecure about in our relationship?\u201d, \u201cWhat makes it hard for you to connect with me?\u201d, and \u201cWhat ideas do you have about bringing more fire into our connection?\u201d Anything that invites newness into a relationship has the potential to enliven it.<\/p>\n<h3>7. Spend time doing fun things outside of your relationship<\/h3>\n<p>This sounds counterintuitive, but in actuality, finding joy <em>outside<\/em> of a relationship can help you thrive within the relationship. Sometimes, we depend too heavily on our partners to meet our every need, and this puts too much weight on the relationship for it to thrive. The route to closeness might actually be differentiation and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/personal-space-in-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/personal-space-in-relationship\/\">spending more time on your own<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>How are you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-to-date-yourself\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/why-to-date-yourself\/\">nurturing your own garden<\/a>? What is your sexual relationship with yourself like? Do you still do things that bring you playfulness and joy that have nothing to do with your partner? Accessing the sensual, sexual, and curious parts of you that you may have left behind when you coupled up won\u2019t just leave you feeling more fulfilled; it could also help you do your part in reigniting a spark between you and your partner.<\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"outline-earmark relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[20px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For years, studies have shown that Americans are having less sex, whether they\u2019re teens or in midlife. While researchers posit several different reasons for that\u2014the lasting social effects of a pandemic that encouraged isolation, and more reliance on our devices over human connection, to name just two\u2014I\u2019d wager to say that for plenty of people &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5301,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5300\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5301"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}