{"id":5072,"date":"2023-06-27T23:33:40","date_gmt":"2023-06-27T16:33:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5072"},"modified":"2023-06-27T23:33:40","modified_gmt":"2023-06-27T16:33:40","slug":"falling-in-love-anxiety-can-be-confusing-to-navigate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=5072","title":{"rendered":"Falling in Love Anxiety Can Be Confusing To Navigate"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">W<\/span>hether it\u2019s for a recent Hinge match, the hot family friend, or your swolemate, falling for someone is often as much a physical experience as it is an emotional one.<\/p>\n<p>But in many cases, the physical symptoms you\u2019ve been taught to associate with falling in love (quickened heart rate, butterflies, etc.) aren\u2019t actually side effects of love. On the contrary, psychologists say those sensations may be warning signs from your sympathetic nervous system (SNS)\u2014or more specifically, your body\u2019s fight-or-flight response going into overdrive.<\/p>\n<p>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stress-responses\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/stress-responses\/\">fight-or-flight response<\/a> is designed to activate when our body senses danger in order to help us survive life-threatening situations, explains clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pathlightbh.com\/clinical-leadership\/allison-chase\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.pathlightbh.com\/clinical-leadership\/allison-chase\">Allison Chase, PhD<\/a>, regional clinical director with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pathlightbh.com\/clinical-leadership\/allison-chase\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.pathlightbh.com\/clinical-leadership\/allison-chase\">Pathlight Mood &amp; Anxiety Center<\/a>. This response is controlled by your sympathetic nervous system, which also manages your <a href=\"https:\/\/my.clevelandclinic.org\/health\/body\/23262-sympathetic-nervous-system-sns-fight-or-flight\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/my.clevelandclinic.org\/health\/body\/23262-sympathetic-nervous-system-sns-fight-or-flight\">heart rate, blood pressure, digestion<\/a>, and other key functions.<\/p>\n<p>When activated, the SNS pumps the body full of hormones (like adrenaline and cortisol), spikes your heart rate, boosts blood flow to muscles, dilates pupils, and impacts stomach function, she says. Ten thousand years ago, this response gave us the energy and ability required to run away from hungry lions or other imminent, life-threatening dangers, Dr. Chase says.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;When we\u2019re in true danger, this [fight-or-flight] system is still very helpful, often life-saving.&#8221; \u2014Allison Chase, PhD, regional clinical director, Pathlight Mood &amp; Anxiety Center<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>These days, the vast majority of threats do not come in the form of large, dangerous animals. Instead, they tend to be more subtle, manifesting in the form of terse emails from your boss or meeting your Tinder date for the first time IRL. But Dr. Chase says the body responds to these stressors the same way it would if there was a carnivorous creature standing a few feet away. Why? Put simply, because the nervous system has not yet adapted to deal with all the everyday stressors of life, says Dr. Chase.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-in-love-anxiety\/\" current-title=\"Falling In Love Can Feel Scary\u2014Blame Your Fight-or-Flight Response\" current-image=\"GettyImages-falling-in-love-anxiety-KlausVedfelt-425x285.jpeg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2022-12-27\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-in-love-anxiety\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-in-love-anxiety\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/falling-in-love-anxiety\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>\u201cWe still have the same basic body and biological functions we had 10,000 years ago,\u201d she says. \u201cSome people&#8217;s autonomic nervous system falsely activates when they are not in real danger, and they end up experiencing all the same physiological symptoms as if they were.\u201d (These false activations are especially likely, she notes, for people with sexual or relational trauma).<\/p>\n<p>Whether rightly or wrongly triggered, the physical chain of reactions that follows the nervous system activation is the same, says certified sex therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/theexpansivegroup.com\/?person=casey-tanner\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/theexpansivegroup.com\/?person=casey-tanner\">Casey Tanner, LCPC, CST<\/a>, founder and CEO at <a href=\"https:\/\/theexpansivegroup.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/theexpansivegroup.com\/\">The Expansive Group<\/a>, a queer sex therapy practice, and sex expert at pleasure-product company <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fclicks.trx-hub.com%2Fxid%2Fleafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood%3Fq%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fgo.skimresources.com%253Fid%253D104860X1561639%2526%2526xs%253D1%2526%2526xcust%253DSTMSLS-%2526%2526url%253Dhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.lelo.com%25252F%26%26p%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.wellandgood.com%252Fwhat-not-to-do-during-sex%252F%26%26event_type%3Dclick&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Ffalling-in-love-anxiety%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fgo.skimresources.com%3Fid%3D104860X1561639%26%26xs%3D1%26%26xcust%3DSTMSLS-%26%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.lelo.com%252F&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fwhat-not-to-do-during-sex%2F&amp;event_type=click\">LELO<\/a>. \u201cWhen triggered, the sympathetic nervous system quickly shifts blood flow away from activities like digestion and towards the muscles,\u201d they explain, so you can fight off or escape the perceived threat.<\/p>\n<p>Fact is, sometimes you get belly butterflies and sweaty palms just by texting your love\u2014and usually that\u2019s simply because your nervous system is maladapted. \u201cWhen we\u2019re in true danger, this [fight-or-flight] system is still very helpful, often life-saving,\u201d says Dr. Chase. But when you\u2019re not, it can obviously be incredibly confusing.<\/p>\n<p>So how can you tell if your fight-or-flight is a false alarm or red flag when you\u2019re dating? We asked mental health experts to provide some more insight.<\/p>\n<h2>The fight-or-flight response, love, and dating<\/h2>\n<p>As mentioned, it is possible that your SNS may be triggered by dating things that are not actually dangerous (but might be new, exciting, or stressful), says Dr. Chase. For instance: Seeing your cell phone light up with your new boo\u2019s name, hearing your partner open the garage door, or even feeling your love\u2019s hand on your lower back.<\/p>\n<p>However, sometimes the fight-or-flight mode goes into action because we&#8217;ve landed ourselves in a potentially unsafe situation, says Dr. Chase. Stumble on your partner&#8217;s secret knife collection? Math ain\u2019t mathing about where your partner was the other night? These are all instances where the body going into fight-or-flight mode makes sense, as they suggest potentially troubling info or behavior.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt can be challenging to differentiate whether or not the butterflies are mere signs of excitement, or signs of dangerous and protective anxiety,\u201d Tanner says. Still, it\u2019s not impossible.<\/p>\n<h2>So\u2026 how can you tell when it&#8217;s a warranted response or not?<\/h2>\n<p>In short, by tuning into your environment, turning on your mind, and leaning on your friends. While the more primitive part of your body may not be able to assess whether something is actually dangerous, \u201cyour prefrontal cortex is equipped to suss that out,\u201d says Tanner.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re experiencing shaky hands, butterflies, or other stress response symptoms, or notice a strong gut feeling that something is off, Tanner recommends giving yourself a few minutes to quickly reflect on the situation. Start by asking yourself: <em>Beyond the symptoms I\u2019m currently experiencing, is there any evidence that I am physically and\/or emotionally unsafe\u2014or could be soon?<\/em> If the answer is yes, get out of dodge quickly.<\/p>\n<p>If the answer is no, Tanner suggests asking: <em>Is this situation triggering something that was painful in the past?<\/em> It is common for people to feel unsafe \u2014 and for their body to tell them they&#8217;re unsafe\u2014when actually what they feel is nervous about potential and\/or repeated heartbreak or rejection. If the answer is no, then you may be feeling unsafe because, well, you actually are. Meanwhile if the answer is yes, Tanner suggests validating for yourself that relationships can, indeed, feel scary, but leaning into the potential connection.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re in an ongoing relationship, and can\u2019t discern why your body is reacting the way it is, Tanner suggests leaning on your community. \u201cAsk a trusted friend or therapist what they think about the situation,\u201d they say. \u201cBecause they aren\u2019t looking at it through the lens of emotional intensity, they may have insight to offer that\u2019s hard for you to access early in a relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Developing an overall awareness can help, too<\/h2>\n<p>Given that the physical symptoms are the same, it is not easy to differentiate between overactive fight-or-flight response and an accurate one. But \u201cit can be particularly challenging for people with a history of relational or sexual trauma in relationships to distinguish the two,\u201d says Tanner. After trauma, people are more likely to misinterpret and misunderstand their body chatter, they say.<\/p>\n<p>But traumatic relationship history or not, it can be helpful to work with a trauma-informed therapist, somatic sex expert, or other mental health professional. \u201cSomeone who uses a somatic lens, or one that values understanding the mind-body connection, will be equipped to help you develop awareness around your stress responses,\u201d says Tanner.<\/p>\n<p>The more familiar you become with your body\u2019s reaction to stress, the more able you\u2019ll be able to recognize the signs that the fight-or-flight has rightfully or wrongfully been activated, so you can respond accordingly.<\/p>\n<h2>What to do when there\u2019s a false alarm<\/h2>\n<p>In instances where you think the response has been triggered because you are in danger, you should do what you can to protect yourself. Depending on where you are, who you\u2019re with, and what tipped you off to danger, that may entail calling 9-1-1, ringing the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233), texting a friend to pick you up, or working with a therapist and\/or case worker to develop a longer-term exit plan. (You can read more about getting out of an intimate partner violence situation <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/domestic-violence-social-distancing\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/domestic-violence-social-distancing\/\">here<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/intimate-partner-violence-heart-health\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/intimate-partner-violence-heart-health\/\">here<\/a>).<\/p>\n<p>In instances where you think the response has been wrongly activated, Tanner recommends taking a moment to pause and actively deepen your breathing, which communicates to your nervous system that you\u2019re okay. You can also try doing 10 jumping jacks, pushups, or other challenging workout moves in you\u2019re in a space where you can easily do so. \u201cBrief, intense bouts of exercise can move your body through the stress response cycle,\u201d says Tanner. \u201cYou could also take a cold bath or shower, which can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes feelings of safety and relaxation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If the response (wrongly) pops up when you\u2019re on a date or with a lover, Tanner recommends leaning into the golden rule of dating: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/communication-styles-relationships\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/communication-styles-relationships\/\">communication<\/a>. \u201cNever underestimate the power of telling someone that you\u2019re starting to fall for that you\u2019re nervous,\u201d says Tanner. \u201cThis isn\u2019t a confession, it\u2019s a conversation starter, and it demonstrates that you are building an emotional investment in your date.\u201d Plus, it creates an opening for your date to comfort and reassure you.<\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"outline-earmark relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[20px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Whether it\u2019s for a recent Hinge match, the hot family friend, or your swolemate, falling for someone is often as much a physical experience as it is an emotional one. But in many cases, the physical symptoms you\u2019ve been taught to associate with falling in love (quickened heart rate, butterflies, etc.) aren\u2019t actually side effects &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5073,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5072","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5072","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5072"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5072\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5073"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5072"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5072"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5072"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}