{"id":4769,"date":"2023-06-13T08:04:26","date_gmt":"2023-06-13T01:04:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=4769"},"modified":"2023-06-13T08:04:26","modified_gmt":"2023-06-13T01:04:26","slug":"i-deserve-a-gift-from-my-partner-for-getting-an-iud","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=4769","title":{"rendered":"I Deserve a Gift From My Partner for Getting an IUD"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">I<\/span>n a healthy relationship, doing something to support the partnership or help your partner should be a natural reflex\u2014not contingent on receiving something in return. Like, of course I\u2019ll pick up dinner for us when you\u2019re working late. You bet I\u2019ll wipe the cat\u2019s poop off the carpet when you\u2019re having a bad day. The idea is, if both people in a relationship adopt this ethos, everyone is supported without feeling a need to keep a mental tally of their contributions.<\/p>\n<p>But when it comes to being in a heterosexual relationship where only <em>one <\/em>of us (read: me, a cisgender woman) is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/male-birth-control-gel\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/male-birth-control-gel\/\">expected to get birth control<\/a> so that we <em>both <\/em>don\u2019t have a child before we\u2019re ready, I absolutely expect something for my efforts<em>\u2014<\/em>much like a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thebump.com\/a\/perfect-push-presents-for-new-moms\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.thebump.com\/a\/perfect-push-presents-for-new-moms\">push present for giving birth<\/a>, but in this case, for actively preventing birth. Especially when getting that birth control placed inside your body feels like your insides are being scraped away by the claws of a demon.<\/p>\n<p>Why, yes, I do have an IUD. How did you know?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m in the best relationship I\u2019ve ever been in, and I\u2019ve been on birth control since I was the ripe age of 15. But let me tell you: When I got my <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/iud-pros-and-cons\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/iud-pros-and-cons\/\">IUD placed for the first time<\/a> a few weeks ago (I was an arm implant kind of girl before), the first thing I thought was that this man better get me something <em>real nice<\/em> for enduring this amount of pain for the sake of us both.<\/p>\n<p>I was heated\u2014so much so that I made <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@sumsumc13\/video\/7215361019038879022?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@sumsumc13\/video\/7215361019038879022?lang=en\">a TikTok video<\/a> just to get some things off my chest. It was nothing wild; I just said that anyone who gets an IUD to maintain the current state of a relationship deserves dinner, ice cream, perhaps a <em>mansion<\/em>, from their partner for their Herculean efforts.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/gift-from-partner-for-getting-iud\/\" current-title=\"I Faced Severe Pain To Get an IUD for the Sake of My Relationship\u2014So, Yes, I Deserve a Gift From My Partner\" current-image=\"WG_Editorial__Push-present_-for-an-IUD-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2022-12-12\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/gift-from-partner-for-getting-iud\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/gift-from-partner-for-getting-iud\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/gift-from-partner-for-getting-iud\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Lo and behold, I\u2019m not the only person who feels this way. The video blew up. It has nearly 3 million views, 260,000 likes, and thousands of comments from people who had similarly crummy IUD experiences as mine, who thought that they, too, deserved a little somethin\u2019 somethin.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u201cReal. I deserve compensation for being bedridden for a day and a half,\u201d wrote one user. \u201cBabes, I\u2019m on my 3rd, and I started with the copper one (used to faint from heavy flows\/low iron)\u2026 I deserve a damn Hawaiian vaca and a new car,\u201d wrote another.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>My feelings about deserving a gift from my partner for getting an IUD are only partially about the pain experienced; the other part is principal.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Now, I\u2019m not trying to be a fearmonger here\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-to-know-before-getting-iud\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/what-to-know-before-getting-iud\/\">everybody reacts differently<\/a> to the placement of an IUD, and some people don\u2019t even feel more than some cramping (how lucky to be them). Regardless, my feelings about deserving a gift from my partner for getting an IUD are only partially about the pain experienced (more on that below). The other part is principal.<\/p>\n<p>Men and non-uterus-havers don\u2019t give birth and aren\u2019t expected to be on birth control. Women and uterus-havers do and are. Therefore, the former group can\u2014and should\u2014repay the latter group in some way (food, gifts, verbal affirmation, you name it) when they tackle the often-painful biological requirement for birth <em>or <\/em>contraception.<\/p>\n<h2>Why I think it\u2019s important to normalize recognition (like a gift) from a partner for getting an IUD<\/h2>\n<p>The expectation that naturally falls on uterus-having people to handle contraception in a relationship is at the root of my desire to make IUD push presents a thing. \u201cI think the larger feeling here is that women want acknowledgement, and some may consider that in the form of a physical gift,\u201d says therapist <a href=\"https:\/\/nyctherapeuticwellness.com\/staff\/beth-gulotta-lmhc\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/nyctherapeuticwellness.com\/staff\/beth-gulotta-lmhc\/\">Beth Gulotta, LMHC<\/a>, who specializes in dating and relationships, when I ask her about the reasoning behind my request.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe sentiment is that their partner sees and validates [the act of getting an IUD] as a contribution to the relationship, especially if this is a joint decision about the best means of birth control for the relationship,\u201d adds Gulotta. \u201cThey want to feel like this is appreciated by their partner and seen as doing something for the relationship and not just an implied responsibility because of [biological sex].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Indeed, it\u2019s the<em> implied <\/em>responsibility so often placed on women and uterus-havers that hurts\u2014both physically and emotionally. For starters, the societal roles that women are traditionally expected to fulfill (not just working in the labor force, but also domestic work and family care-giving) <a href=\"https:\/\/wellandgood.com\/gender-division-of-labor\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/wellandgood.com\/gender-division-of-labor\/\">account for a longer list than what\u2019s expected of men<\/a>, says clinical psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/epidemiology.phhp.ufl.edu\/profile\/fillingim-roger\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/epidemiology.phhp.ufl.edu\/profile\/fillingim-roger\/\">Roger B. Fillingim, PhD<\/a>, director of the Pain Research and Intervention Center of Excellence at the University of Florida.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s to say, women <em>still<\/em> operate in a broken system with higher demands on their time, attention, and general bandwidth than that of men. Given the systemic issues underscoring that reality, some of the roles that women hold &#8220;aren&#8217;t ones from which they can easily take vacation,&#8221; says Dr. Fillingim, which means that when they&#8217;re in pain, &#8220;they&#8217;re often in the position of having to power through it.&#8221; What\u2019s worse, his data suggests that women also bear a greater burden of pain, in part because \u201chistorically, and to some degree still, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.hindawi.com\/journals\/prm\/2018\/6358624\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.hindawi.com\/journals\/prm\/2018\/6358624\/\">their pain is under-treated<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This leads me to my next tiff with the IUD process, and even more of a reason we, IUD-havers, deserve some recognition. More often than not, people who are getting an IUD placed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/birth-control\/is-iud-painful\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/birth-control\/is-iud-painful\">aren\u2019t given any pain medications or offered anesthesia<\/a>; the recommendation is just to take some Ibuprofen an hour prior. To my utter lack of surprise, the stuff I use to treat hangovers did little to make my cervix feel better when under attack (to put it dramatically).<\/p>\n<p>When I got my IUD, I felt like the lovely, very sweet and kind OB\/GYN was shredding my stomach from the inside out. In reality, <a href=\"https:\/\/wexnermedical.osu.edu\/find-a-doctor\/jonathan-schaffir-md-15978\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/wexnermedical.osu.edu\/find-a-doctor\/jonathan-schaffir-md-15978\">Jonathan Schaffir, MD<\/a>, an OB\/GYN at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, says the doctor was simply measuring my cervix, disinfecting the area, and then placing the rod.<\/p>\n<p>That description sure sounds a lot less gruesome than what I pictured was happening, but alas, it&#8217;s hard for doctors to know how to prepare patients for what to expect from the procedure. \u201cThe [pain] just really is rather unpredictable in terms of the great variety of women&#8217;s experiences,\u201d says Dr. Schaffir of IUD placement.<\/p>\n<p>While some doctors (and many Google results) report that the pain level during IUD insertion is light to moderate\u2014one of the first search results even says the process is a \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.medicinenet.com\/is_it_painful_to_have_an_iud_inserted\/article.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.medicinenet.com\/is_it_painful_to_have_an_iud_inserted\/article.htm\">2\/10\u201d on the pain scale<\/a>\u2014some studies suggest that experiencing a <a href=\"https:\/\/academic.oup.com\/humupd\/article\/19\/4\/419\/611095?login=false\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/academic.oup.com\/humupd\/article\/19\/4\/419\/611095?login=false\">more substantial amount<\/a> of pain is common. Indeed, one <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4717389\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4717389\/\">2016 report<\/a> of 100 women who got an IUD found that 78 percent said they experienced moderate to severe pain during the insertion.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s all the more reason why I think we IUD-having baddies deserve<em> some<\/em> sort of gift. AKA support, according to Gulotta. \u201cI think it is important that the partner [of the person getting the IUD] makes sure they are available to take care of them through their recovery,\u201d she says. \u201cThey should be there to go with you, pick up any necessary prescriptions, stock the fridge with drinks and snacks\u2014little gestures of acknowledgement and thoughtfulness are significant.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cI think it is important that the partner [of the person getting the IUD] makes sure they are available to take care of them through their recovery.\u201d \u2014Beth Gulotta, LMHC, therapist<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>That includes emotional gestures, too, adds Gulotta: \u201cSimply sharing that they acknowledge this contribution to the relationship and taking care of you emotionally and physically is important.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As for an actual gift from a partner for getting an IUD placed? Gulotta isn\u2019t so quick to say it\u2019s <em>necessary<\/em>. Some of the resentment I felt toward my non-uterus-having boyfriend was likely displaced, she says, and may have had more to do with society\u2019s faults than anything he did or should have done.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt can seem unfair that women have to bear the entirety of the reproductive burden, in some ways\u2026and it\u2019s easy to place this anger on a partner and to develop narratives of inequity,\u201d says Gulotta. Holding onto the idea that women are supposed to do this, and men don\u2019t need to acknowledge it can make you resent a partner who isn\u2019t necessarily in the wrong, she adds. But on the flip side, they should certainly be present to offer support just how they would for any challenging or painful experience, in alignment with how you\u2019d like to receive it, she adds.<\/p>\n<p>If that\u2019s a physical gift\u2014like I wanted\u2014then, I think that\u2019s totally fair. After all, if you\u2019re getting an IUD for the sake of a relationship (or any type of birth control that can send your body into a hormonal anger spiral brought on by cramps and bleeding), you deserve some acknowledgement from a non-uterus-having partner that they\u2019ll never know what that feels like\u2026 and maybe a meal, some chores handled, and a whole lot of \u201cthank you\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And in case you\u2019re wondering, yes, my lovely boyfriend did do all of this for me, and he\u2019s safe in our house no longer experiencing the displaced frustration I exhibited the day of my IUD placement. But I\u2019m still a little heated at men and society as a whole. I bled for nearly a month straight and had cramps so bad, I could feel them in my ears. Can you blame me?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In a healthy relationship, doing something to support the partnership or help your partner should be a natural reflex\u2014not contingent on receiving something in return. Like, of course I\u2019ll pick up dinner for us when you\u2019re working late. You bet I\u2019ll wipe the cat\u2019s poop off the carpet when you\u2019re having a bad day. The &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4770,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4769"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4769\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}