{"id":4505,"date":"2023-06-05T05:32:19","date_gmt":"2023-06-04T22:32:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/match-chief-dating-expert-rachel-dealto-on-marriage\/"},"modified":"2023-06-05T05:32:19","modified_gmt":"2023-06-04T22:32:19","slug":"match-chief-dating-expert-rachel-dealto-on-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=4505","title":{"rendered":"Match Chief Dating Expert Rachel DeAlto on Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.racheldealto.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.racheldealto.com\/\">Rachel DeAlto<\/a>, chief dating expert at dating platform <a href=\"https:\/\/clicks.trx-hub.com\/xid\/leafgroup_ca5e0_wellgood?q=https%3A%2F%2Fgo.skimresources.com%3Fid%3D104860X1561639%26xs%3D1%26xcust%3DSTMSLS-871801%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.match.com%252F&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wellandgood.com%2Fdating-expert-rachel-dealto-marriage%2F&amp;event_type=click\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.match.com\/\">Match<\/a>, has always prided herself on being <em>right<\/em>, she tells me with a tinge of sarcasm. In all seriousness, the success of her work has always relied on her ability to make (or help others make) the right judgment call\u2014first, as a lawyer \u201cadvising people on whether to settle or go to trial,\u201d and over a decade later, as a relationship coach \u201cstill mostly telling people not to settle [when it comes to marriage],\u201d she says, with a laugh.<\/p>\n<p>It may surprise you then that she now describes her own first marriage, at age 25, as the \u201cwrong match with the wrong timing.\u201d At the time, the sought-after relationship coach (who\u2019s appeared as an expert on Lifetime\u2019s <em>Married at First Sight <\/em>and TLC\u2019s<em> Kate+Date) <\/em>was a new mom eager to settle down with someone who could make her and her son feel secure.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI look back at that version of me, and I know now that she just wanted to be loved\u2014she just wanted to be accepted,\u201d says DeAlto. And the first person who swooped in and made her feel both of those things was the man she got engaged to after a whirlwind six-week romance.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cI look back at that version of me, and I know now that she just wanted to be loved\u2014she just wanted to be accepted.\u201d \u2014Rachel DeAlto, chief dating expert at Match<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Though the marriage was over within a few years, DeAlto is quick to say she doesn\u2019t regret it. Its most obvious gift is her daughter, who was a product of the relationship. But also, after the marriage ended, it was in moving through the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/common-divorce-questions\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/common-divorce-questions\/\">divorce<\/a> (while growing her career as a relationship coach) that DeAlto gained invaluable insight into the kinds of things that determine the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/tips-for-long-term-relationship-health\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/tips-for-long-term-relationship-health\/\">longevity of a partnership<\/a> and what is important to know about yourself and your relationship before entering a marriage.<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/dating-expert-rachel-dealto-marriage\/\" current-title=\"\u2018I\u2019m the Chief Dating Expert at Match, and I\u2019m About To Get Remarried\u2014Here\u2019s What I\u2019d Tell My Younger Self\u2019\" current-image=\"WG_Editorial_05-30-Chief-Dating-Expert-at-Match-425x285.png\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2022-12-04\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/dating-expert-rachel-dealto-marriage\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/dating-expert-rachel-dealto-marriage\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/dating-expert-rachel-dealto-marriage\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>So much so that she\u2019s about to get married again, at age 43. This time, however, the relationship is one she describes, in a word, as \u201ceasy.\u201d DeAlto and her fianc\u00e9 have been together for six years and \u201ctreasure and take care of each other so much that nothing we do, say, or choose would ever cause intentional hurt,\u201d she says. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t mean that we don&#8217;t screw up and problems don\u2019t arise, but there is an absolute feeling of treasuring and being treasured at all times.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a feeling that DeAlto would tell her younger self to search for in a relationship, if she had the chance\u2014not necessarily so that she could bypass the emotionally fraught relationship she experienced first (\u201cIf you don\u2019t go through stuff, how do you evolve as a human?\u201d) but to give her the awareness that the person you should marry is the one you\u2019re \u201cgoing to want to wake up next to not just in 10 years, but in 60 years or more\u201d if you\u2019re so lucky, she says.<\/p>\n<p>Below, DeAlto shares the other key pearls of relationship wisdom that she\u2019s amassed in the years since getting married, getting divorced, and becoming an expert relationship coach.<\/p>\n<h2>What Match\u2019s Chief Dating Expert Rachel DeAlto would tell her younger self about relationships and marriage<\/h2>\n<h3>Your marriage timeline doesn&#8217;t matter<\/h3>\n<p>Part of the reason DeAlto felt so inclined to get married so quickly upon falling for her then-husband was simply her age. \u201cAt the time, I was the third out of my friends to get married by age 25, and it felt very normal and necessary to find somebody and settle down,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>The pressure of a particular timeline may lead you to make decisions from a \u201cplace of insecurity with yourself and insecurity with life,\u201d says DeAlto. While she certainly<em> felt<\/em> ready for marriage at the time when she first committed, in hindsight, she can see that her own eagerness came from a desire to find a sense of security in marriage that she was personally lacking.<\/p>\n<h3>You don&#8217;t <em>always <\/em>have to be right in a relationship<\/h3>\n<p>Despite being a full-fledged dating expert, DeAlto tells me this is a lesson she\u2019s still learning\u2014but choosing which battles to pick is part of what&#8217;s allowed her current relationship to blossom into marriage. \u201cIn those earlier years of dating, it\u2019s easy to think that every single thing matters, and if you give someone a pass on one thing, they\u2019re going to walk all over you forever,\u201d she says, \u201cbut that\u2019s just not the case.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In fact, learning to let the small stuff go, recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-fight-fairly-in-relationship\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-fight-fairly-in-relationship\/\">communicate through disagreements<\/a> is what gives a relationship longevity, says DeAlto. \u201cI would love to tell my younger self, \u2018You don\u2019t always have to be in charge, and sometimes when you do that, you make other people feel less than,\u2019 and that\u2019s just an unintended consequence of not being self-aware,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<h3>Your picker will change with age\u2026but it\u2019s okay to date whoever feels right in the present<\/h3>\n<p>As you get older, your picker is bound to point more toward the people with whom you connect on an emotional level, says DeAlto\u2014those people whom you could see yourself waking up next to again and again.<\/p>\n<p>Interestingly, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.singlesinamerica.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.singlesinamerica.com\/\">Match surveys<\/a> also show that even younger folks are beginning to embrace this kind of \u201cconscious dating\u201d by focusing more on emotional intelligence, communication skills, honesty, and self-awareness than on superficial traits, says DeAlto. But she hesitates to say that everyone <em>should<\/em> date in this manner at every age.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOn the one hand, I keep thinking, \u2018Wow, these [young people] are really going to bypass a lot of bad relationship stuff,\u2019 so I\u2019m partially jealous,\u201d she says, \u201cbut on the other hand, I don\u2019t want young people <em>not<\/em> to experience tough relationships because I think that\u2019s the stuff that can help you grow the most.\u201d As for what she\u2019d tell her own younger self? Date whomever you\u2019d like to date, but just know that your preferences likely can and will shift with time.<\/p>\n<h3>People can grow on you<\/h3>\n<p>Having patience in dating, as in all things, can pay off in spades. And this is a lesson that DeAlto especially wishes she could impart on her younger self. \u201cYou have to take the time to really allow people to get to a point where they\u2019re vulnerable and all-in on a relationship to assess if they\u2019re right for you,\u201d she says. \u201cSometimes, a relationship might not unfold in exactly the way you want it to, but you might just need to give someone a chance and be a little patient.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>You can (and should) prioritize <em>yourself<\/em><\/h3>\n<p>In her current relationship, DeAlto feels more treasured than ever\u2014but that isn\u2019t just the result of her soon-to-be husband\u2019s loving care; in the years since her first marriage, she\u2019s learned to treasure herself, too.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen you protect yourself and when you protect your heart, you show up differently and you feel differently,\u201d she says. \u201cI wish I had that at 25, and if I did, I probably would\u2019ve ended [my marriage] sooner.\u201d Whether that would\u2019ve been for the best is difficult to say, given that, again, DeAlto\u2019s daughter came from her marriage. But in any case, she says, \u201cI do wish I would\u2019ve taken care of myself more and understood that you don\u2019t have to be beholden to other people in spite of yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rachel DeAlto, chief dating expert at dating platform Match, has always prided herself on being right, she tells me with a tinge of sarcasm. In all seriousness, the success of her work has always relied on her ability to make (or help others make) the right judgment call\u2014first, as a lawyer \u201cadvising people on whether &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4505","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4505","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4505"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4505\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4505"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4505"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4505"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}