{"id":3397,"date":"2023-05-10T03:16:40","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T20:16:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/elaine-welteroth-still-wants-you-to-say-no\/"},"modified":"2023-05-10T03:16:40","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T20:16:40","slug":"elaine-welteroth-still-wants-you-to-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/?p=3397","title":{"rendered":"Elaine Welteroth Still Wants You To Say &#8216;No&#8217;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"drop-cap text-big text-gray\"> <span class=\"drop-cap__first text-dropcap \">F<\/span>or many, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-set-healthy-boundaries\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-set-healthy-boundaries\/\">establishing and enforcing boundaries<\/a> isn&#8217;t a natural proclivity, but more of a skill that&#8217;s learned over time. Whether in the personal or professional realms, deciding what you want and mapping out what you will and will not tolerate in order to get it can become easier with practice. Over the past 15-plus years, journalist, <em>New York Times<\/em> best-selling author, and television host <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/elainewelteroth\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/elainewelteroth\/\">Elaine Welteroth<\/a> has built a big, multifaceted career. But she doesn&#8217;t sign on to every opportunity that comes her way. To help her draw boundaries that allow her to funnel her energy toward only what fuels and excites her, she credits a two-letter word as her guiding light: no.<\/div>\n<p>&#8220;If it isn&#8217;t a &#8216;hell yes,&#8217; it&#8217;s a &#8216;hell no&#8217;,&#8221; Welteroth tells me of how she evaluates opportunities to ensure they align with her own goals. The advice doubles as a straightforward counsel for designing a life you want.<\/p>\n<p>Well, until it doesn&#8217;t. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, rendering the binary yes-no framework for making objective decisions tricky. Case in point: Last year, Welteroth took on another new role: becoming a mom. Unlike her previous endeavors, though, she says this one wasn&#8217;t in the plan. &#8220;When you build your life with such intention, you think you\u2019re in control of everything with your yeses and nos, but sometimes life surprises you. Motherhood was something I did not say \u2018hell yes\u2019 to, and that was disorienting to me,&#8221; says Welteroth. &#8220;I did not call this in, so I had to navigate through the murkiness.&#8221;<\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content \" style=\"\" data-module-init=\"related-content\" data-module-immediate=\"\" v-cloak=\"\">\n<div class=\"related-content__wrapper \" v-cloak=\"\" :class=\"{'is-loaded':isLoaded}\">\n<p> <span class=\"inline pr-6 text-seafoam-dark\">Related Stories<\/span> <\/p>\n<p> <related-content class=\"related-content__links\" parent-article-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/elaine-welteroth-say-no\/\" current-title=\"For Elaine Welteroth, Saying No Is an Abundance Practice\" current-image=\"WG_Edirorial_Elaine-Welteroth-QA-425x285.jpg\" v-on:parsely-posts-loaded=\"onPostsLoaded\" start-date=\"2022-11-09\" tag=\"div\" inline-template=\"\" url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/elaine-welteroth-say-no\/\" secret=\"w5ztterVB03LGZJLfXS0hf3EvQBuFFIWew9hmVQxthU\" apikey=\"wellandgood.com\" limit=\"3\"> <\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"related-content__card mb-[10px] sm:mb-[20px]\" :class=\"{'related-content__card--full':posts.length === 1}\" v-for=\"(post, key) in posts\"> <a v-on:click.prevent=\"trackLinkGA($event, key)\" :href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/elaine-welteroth-say-no\/post.url\" data-url-source=\"related-content\" class=\"related-content__link\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"\"> <\/p>\n<div class=\"related-content__card--image bg-tan\" :style=\"{ backgroundImage: 'url(' + post.image_url + ')' }\"> <img :src=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/elaine-welteroth-say-no\/post.image_url\" :alt=\"post.title\"\/> <\/div>\n<p> <\/a>  <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p> <\/related-content> <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Ultimately, though, motherhood\u2014despite not being a &#8220;hell yes&#8221; she agreed to ahead of time\u2014has led Welteroth to an even sharper sense of the power of no. &#8220;That\u2019s what motherhood is\u2014tapping into your instincts about what\u2019s right and feels good, and what serves you and your family,&#8221; she says.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;We\u2019re all building our lives, and a lot of us don\u2019t recognize the agency that we have.&#8221; \u2014Elaine Welteroth<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Now, one &#8220;hell yes&#8221; for Welteroth is empowering new parents to make choices that are most supportive to them and their families. That includes spreading awareness of all the complexities of motherhood on her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/tv\/CaQ-SrbAOYu\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/tv\/CaQ-SrbAOYu\/\">Instagram Live interview series &#8220;MaterniTea<\/a>&#8221; and teaming up with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pureleaf.com\/NoGrants\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.pureleaf.com\/NoGrants\/\">Pure Leaf<\/a> to provide moms financial grants that&#8217;ll help them support themselves and their families as they exercise the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-say-no\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/how-to-say-no\/\">power of saying no<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;We\u2019re all building our lives, and a lot of us don\u2019t recognize the agency that we have,&#8221; she says when we recently discussed what boundaries look like for her now, along with her advice for new parents. &#8220;The only way to build a life that is actually fulfilling is to recognize that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Well+Good:<\/strong> Have you always felt like it\u2019s really important to be able to say no?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Elaine Welteroth:<\/strong> When I was a scrappy journalist-in-training trying to prove myself in my career and other areas in my life, I had a very different model [to saying no], which was &#8220;bite off more than you can chew, and chew as fast as you can.&#8221; I eventually recognized that what gets you to your dream will not sustain you in your dream whether that\u2019s a dream job, motherhood, marriage, or whatever your definition of success is\u2014you have to find new tools.<\/p>\n<p>In my post-<em>Teen Vogue<\/em>, entrepreneur era, where everything suddenly was on my own terms, it became really important to have a guiding principle for how I would navigate decision-making. I couldn&#8217;t just bite off everything and chew everything\u2026I didn\u2019t make it to the promised land of my dream job [at <em>Teen Vogue<\/em>] only to quit and create a job that I hate. So, I had to be mindful that every &#8220;yes&#8221; I gave was a &#8220;hell yes&#8221; from a place of enthusiasm.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>&#8220;So many times when I have said no, the yes on the other side of that served me in ways I couldn\u2019t have been served by a half-hearted yes.&#8221; \u2014Welteroth<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>If I couldn&#8217;t get to that place, then I needed to have the faith, confidence, and courage to say no. It\u2019s always scary to say no, especially when you\u2019re getting used to it, but it\u2019s a practice in a mindset and lifestyle of abundance. So many times when I have said no, the yes on the other side of that served me in ways I couldn\u2019t have been served by a half-hearted yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>W+G:<\/strong> I\u2019m not yet a mom, but something you\u2019ve said in the past that I carry with me is the need to advocate for yourself. It sounds like this becomes even more important in motherhood because you can\u2019t pour from an empty cup, and now other people need your cup to be full. How have your family and your partner helped you fill your cup in ways that allow you the space to actually say no?<\/p>\n<p><strong>EW:<\/strong> I could not do what I do if I did not have the support of a true 50\/50 partnership. We don\u2019t play into the gender roles in the sense of that\u2019s a mom\u2019s job and that\u2019s a dad\u2019s job\u2014we play to our strengths. In some ways, I think we\u2019ve traded gender roles, and in other ways we\u2019ve abandoned those completely. I want that for more families.<\/p>\n<p>Normalizing &#8220;no&#8221; is an important cultural shift that we all need, no matter what generation of motherhood you sit in. It\u2019s not a mom\u2019s job to [compromise] herself for the sake of her family\u2019s wellness. A whole mom shows up for her family in a healthier way than a mom who has lost herself within her family.<\/p>\n<p>[But], systemic factors perpetuate the overwhelm and imbalance that a lot of [women-identifying folks] carry in their family dynamics. For example, in some cases, women are both the breadwinner and the primary caregiver, without the support of adequate time off for maternity leave and support for childcare. We know that the odds are stacked against moms in this country in so many ways.<\/p>\n<p><strong>W+G:<\/strong> You&#8217;ve referenced how becoming a mom has changed how you interact with the power of no in some ways. What does a &#8220;hell yes&#8221; look like to you in this new season of your life? Is there anything in particular you\u2019re really excited about?<\/p>\n<p><strong>EW:<\/strong> Becoming a mom has allowed me to drop into my body, and the wisdom that is literally embedded in my body. I\u2019ve lived my life through my head and by being very headstrong, but becoming a mom required me to rely on my body in ways I&#8217;ve never had to before. So I&#8217;ve built this stronger relationship with my body that helps me navigate [choices]. That\u2019s been a beautiful tool in work and life; it&#8217;s an unintended side effect of motherhood that\u2019s been really great.<\/p>\n<p>My body <a href=\"https:\/\/www.parents.com\/kindred\/elaine-welteroth-created-the-first-time-millennial-mom-pregnancy-community-she-couldnt-find\/#:~:text=Welteroth%20has%20a%20pregnancy%2Drelated,opening%20up%20the%20pelvis%20prematurely.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.parents.com\/kindred\/elaine-welteroth-created-the-first-time-millennial-mom-pregnancy-community-she-couldnt-find\/#:~:text=Welteroth%20has%20a%20pregnancy%2Drelated,opening%20up%20the%20pelvis%20prematurely.\">forced me to slow down<\/a> during my pregnancy, and that was scary for me because I\u2019m so used to running in the fast lane. Pregnancy forced a stillness that was so challenging for me to accept, but I had to surrender to it. Now that I\u2019m back in the swing of things, I\u2019ve shot three TV shows since my son was born. I shot a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mAA4E34zm8c\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mAA4E34zm8c\">commercial for Audi<\/a>, and I launched an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/people\/elaine-welteroth\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/people\/elaine-welteroth\/\">advice column for <em>The Washington Post,<\/em><\/a> which is this Carrie Bradshaw dream that I never knew I could live out. I\u2019ve found work that is even more fulfilling, and it really started with this scary sacrifice of saying no throughout my pregnancy to plant seeds for these richer opportunities.<\/p>\n<p><strong>W+G:<\/strong> Has your approach to mentoring changed in any way since becoming a mom? Has the tenor of your advice you give changed?<\/p>\n<p><strong>EW:<\/strong> When people ask questions about life and career navigation, I approach it with a more nurturing spirit. [Motherhood] has been such a defining part of my life, and everything is through the lens of motherhood for me now. It\u2019s changed me in the sense that my perspective is now informed by being a mom, and it\u2019s only enriched my work as a result.<\/p>\n<p>I find myself saying \u201cgrace is the goal now\u201d more and more, and I hope I can share that with people through all the different platforms and mediums where I show up. I&#8217;m still a straight shooter, but there\u2019s a sweetness and softness and tenderness that I didn\u2019t have as much before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>W+G:<\/strong> Saying no can be difficult, and it often requires a lot of support. What would you say to someone who is on the precipice of making a big life change and may be holding back or be at risk of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/self-sabotage-quiz\/\" referrerpolicy=\"no-referrer-when-downgrade\" data-vars-event=\"body text\" data-vars-click-url=\"https:\/\/www.wellandgood.com\/self-sabotage-quiz\/\">self-sabotage<\/a>?<\/p>\n<p>EW: When you&#8217;re paralyzed by fear, it&#8217;s so easy to make decisions based on the worst-case scenario. The what-ifs can be so dizzying when you&#8217;re at the precipice of a new chapter. It&#8217;s important to reframe any decision that makes you feel stopped by fear and ask yourself about the <em>best<\/em>-case scenario and the <em>best<\/em>-possible outcome.<\/p>\n<p>Envisioning and embodying what that would look and feel like, and living in that as much as you can, is a superpower that can help make decisions that aren&#8217;t based on fear.<\/p>\n<p><em>This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"disclaimers__after_content mb-[18px] mt-[16px] pt-[16px]\">\n<div class=\"outline-earmark relative mt-[8px] pt-[10px] pl-[20px]\">\n<p>\n            Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission.          <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><script async defer src=\"https:\/\/platform.instagram.com\/en_US\/embeds.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1675549\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For many, establishing and enforcing boundaries isn&#8217;t a natural proclivity, but more of a skill that&#8217;s learned over time. Whether in the personal or professional realms, deciding what you want and mapping out what you will and will not tolerate in order to get it can become easier with practice. Over the past 15-plus years, &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3398,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3397"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3397\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3398"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loudhdtv.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}